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Bubble Gum Doughnut Cake

May 28, 2016

I got adventurous in the kitchen this morning. I hope it tastes good.

Before and after frosting photos provided below.

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Canadian Femimoneyism

May 19, 2016

The Bank of Canada wants to put a woman on the money.

Currently, the people featured on Canadian money are all either former Prime Ministers of significance and the current head of the royal family. The royal is the only person who appears on multiple denominations. And the royal is Queen Elizabeth II, a woman.

So why the effort to put more women on money? There’s more instances of women on money than men. The Canadian five, ten, fifty and hundred feature a man. All other denominations in circulation today have the Queen. That’s the twenty and all coinage. Plus the last four pieces of Canadian currency removed from circulation (one, two, thousand dollar and one cent coin) all had the Queen.

I’m more familiar with the Queen than I am with the four dead politicians on the money. Seriously, how many Canadians can name the four men on the money without opening their wallet?

Well, I can. But I’m special. MacDonald on the ten. Laurier on the five. Mackenzie King on the fifty and Borden on the hundred. (We’ve had one female PM, Campbell. But she’s less memorable than those four. She was appointed when Mulroney resigned, not ever elected by the public as party leader.)

The Bank of Canada has released a list of twelve candidates to be chosen as the money lady. We’ve got: an artist I’ve never heard of, an artist I have heard of, a politician who was a party leader but never PM, a beauty school teacher turned activist, a charity organizer, a poet, an engineer, a suffragette, an author, an athlete, another author and another suffragette.

(By the way, I had a huge sigh of relief when I saw Margaret Atwood was not on this list. One author is Lucy Maud Montgomery, the woman who wrote Anne of Green Gables. I’ve got nothing against her.)

I have nothing against the women on this list, having never heard of most of them. But none of them meet the specifications of the existing money people. None of them are royalty. None of them are former Prime Ministers. If we accept these people as money worthy, should we not also accept men with similar accomplishments? Let’s consider Fanny Rosenfeld. She won a silver medal in the 100 metre dash and the gold in the 4×100 at the 1928 O-word games. In 1996, Donovan Bailey won gold in both of those events. If she’s money worthy, then he’s just as money worthy. (Or maybe we can put Michael Johnson pulling up lame on our money instead. That right there is a moment Canadians remember and cherish and draw pride from.)

Here is what I want to see on Canadian money, other than the Bailey-Johnson race (which gets a  150 dollar bill.) Prime Ministers Borden, Mackenzie King and Pearson, the Queen, Wayne Gretzky and my mother because she’s a better woman and better Canadian than every other fucking woman alive or dead.

Not So Power Players

May 18, 2016

Watching Jeopardy last night. Anybody else watch that mockery?

It’s Washington DC Power Players week. Powerful people in the District competing for fifty grand to a charity of their choice. Last night’s Power Players: MIchael Steele, former head of the RNC; Lara Logan, 60 Minutes reporter; and Anderson Cooper, CNN news anchor.

I’ll kill the suspense, Lara Logan won by sucking the least. Not sure how. She really came across as that typical Golden Age of Cinema ditzy blonde character.

Oh my oh my. The clues were teen tournament easy and these three were swinging and missing. Okay, in fairness, Mr. Steele barely buzzed in. But Cooper and Logan buzzed in and fumbled around a heck of a lot. Cooper twice nearly went into a rage when he got one wrong. Looking at his score, you’d think he’d be used to not knowing things.

You know how I know these were really easy questions? My mom who was in the room with me but not watching, picked her head up from her computer solitaire every minute or so and said the correct response and followed it up with “If I know it, these three braying morons should know it too.”

Am I expecting too much from reporters and heads of major political parties? Or if this was an accurate representation of Washington DC power players, American federal politics makes a lot more sense to me now. “And now a word from the speaker of the house…” Hee haw! Hee Haw!

By the end of the show, Alex Trebek was trying his best not to do his impression of Will Ferrell’s Alex Trebek impression. “The category is ‘Countries of the World.’ This is a country. You have 30 seconds.” Okay, it wasn’t that easy, but it was pretty easy. “This country has two major ethnic groups: Punjabi who also live in India and Pashtun who also live in Afghanistan.” The guy who used to be the head of the Republican National Committee said “What is a place very very far away?” Three words: America’s foreign policy. The two reporters got it right. I was surprised.

I don’t think I’ll watch Jeopardy again this week.

New Doom

May 17, 2016

This new Doom game is pretty intense. It’s nothing like Doom 3. That game was just plain scary. Doom 3 was a scary story where the player gets to walk around Mars and Hell and killl some demons one or two at a time.

This new Doom, Doom 4 or whatever it’s called, it’s just demon killing on Mars. Story, bah. Haven’t  noticed any so far. Game starts, three demons coming right at you. I like a good story, if the story is good. If there’s no story, there better be plenty of violence.

Oh, there’s violence.

I grabbed one demon by both jaws and ripped it’s face apart. Another demon, I curb-stomped it until it’s head looked like squished bugs. Best part so far, I tore off a demon’s arm then beat it with the arm. Then I beat it’s demonic buddies with the arm.

And yes, it’s Doom. I chainsawed a dozen demons or so last night.

But so far, Doom 3 is still better. This new Doom is just bloodier and more violent. This game is the Itchy & Scratchy of Dooms.

Eating Colombia

May 16, 2016

On Sunday, I decided to eat Colombian food. I did a quick internet search for a “latin american bakery” and found a bakery just south of Yorkdale Mall. I had the idea for the search as I drove out from Yorkdale.

I walked in the bakery and saw the arepa flour to make my own arepas. I also saw some arepas. I bought a kilogram of the flour. I bought a half dozen arepas. I also bought a half dozen of these other things I never got the name of. These things were basically Twinkies made with casava flour and stuffed with either cheese or beef.

I brought this stuff over to Carmine’s for dinner that night. We were having stew and pulled pork mac n cheese. I couldn’t eat the stew, hence me bringing my own dinner. I took some pulled pork and stuffed one arepa. I took some baked beans and stuffed another arepa.

As I started eating one of those twinkie things, I offered some to Carmine.

“What is dat?”

It’s a Colombian Twinkie.

“What’s hinside?”

Cocaine.

Carmine had that look of defeat in his face as I beat him to his own joke. Ha!

If I get some time this week, I’m going to try to make my own arepas fresh. But I did purchase a Playstation 4 and Doom on Saturday.

Yes. I’m surprised too that I took the time to write a quick blog post.

Up Your Butt Federal Government

May 11, 2016

Hello Federal Government,

I run a business. Everyday customers ask me to take cash because they don’t want to pay taxes. I always tell them “Everybody has to pay their taxes.” I collect taxes on behalf of the government.

What do I get for that hard work?

Nineteen dollars.

My tax return this year is nineteen dollars.

I dutifully pay my taxes every two weeks. I make sure other people pay their taxes too. Of those taxes, I get nineteen back.

Federal Government, where’s my incentive to keep paying my taxes? Where’s my incentive to not go underground?

Federal Government, I know you’ll never read this. You don’t care about me. I’m not a fresh-off-the-boat dual citizen with no allegiance to this country. I’m a proud Canadian citizen who is self-employed. I’m your quiet little oompa-loompa. But keep pushing me and I might not be so quiet next time around.

Yours truly, one pissed off person with nineteen dollars in my pocket.

T-Shirt = Conversation Starters

May 8, 2016

Are t-shirts conversation starters?

Again, a person at a store called out my t-shirt.

At a coffee shop, while on a coffee run for work, I heard “Macho man!” coming from the barista. (Yes, if it came from the Batista, that might be cool.)

“Uh, oh, me? Oh yeah. I’m not even paying attention to what I’m wearing. I guess I’m having a macho day today.”

Apparently, today’s top-of-the-pile t-shirt was my “Macho Man” Randy Savage t-shirt. Yes, I, legit, wore this t-shirt to work today. And no, I’m not employed as a clown or similarly-styled children’s entertainer.

urban-outfitters-turquoise-macho-man-tee-product-1-13946677-581675650

Maybe it’s time I get myself a little condo on the Moon, oh yeah.

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