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My Last Hurrah

February 14, 2011

To go along with my exercise, I’ve been convinced to better my diet to some degree.

Before I start regular fruit and vegetable servings (yuck!), I gave my stomach and more importantly my tongue one last hurrah of disgusting yet awesome tasting food.

So, Saturday night I took my tongue and stomach out for dinner. But where do you think I took them?

Did I go to Jack Astors and gorge on the garlic bread? Did I go to Dante’s and eat an entire party size pizza? Did I go to the Keg and have a nice steak? Did I go to Baton Rouge and have the chicken tenders platter? Did I go to Popeye’s and eat an entire chicken deep fried and spicy battered? Did I go to Mary Brown’s and feast upon taters? Did I go to Wimpy’s and stuff myself on pancakes and french toast?

None of the above. On Saturday night, I drove all the way out to Brampton and supped at Denny’s.

The appetizers alone were disgustingly fatty and heart-attack inducing enough. I ordered the pancake balls. Essentially, it’s pancake batter with some cinnamon deep fried into balls. Kinda like very fresh and cripsy donut balls with icing sugar sprinkled on top and served with pancake syrup for dipping.

My entree, however, put the appetizer to shame. I had the country fried steak. Start with two crappy cuts of beef, tenderize them then bread them like a big ol’ chicken breast. Then throw them in the deep fryer until the beef goes brown all the way through. Served with two sides, I chose whipped potatoes, not mashed, whipped and green beans. Then the whole plate is absolutely smothered in country gravy. The gravy is white and thick. The potatoes were so fat-laden, I could taste the lard more than I could taste the potato.

I did not eat everything. I did not clean my plate. I was filled with guilt before I was filled with food. I think that might mean that I’m having a change of heart when it comes to food and gluttony. It’s probably for the best. A change of heart metaphorically is probably less painful than a change of arteries through a quadruple bypass, the inevitable result from feasting at Denny’s.

And now for today’s Faggot of the Day.

Last night, I went out for tea at a cafe. The place was rather busy. Almost every table was occupied. There were four people in my party. The only free tables were the small tables for two. Many of the booths were occupied by one person. In each case of one person at a booth, that one person was using a laptop computer. I looked around. There were plenty of larger groups pushing tables for two together.

For those young men and women computing all by their lonesome in public taking up tables for four, I award them the Faggot of the Day.

Wouldn’t it be a shame if all of these people were using their computers to digitally interact with people? Going out into public and actually talking to people would be too difficult. Going out into public and wearing headphones while staring at a computer screen is just so much easier.

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9 Comments leave one →
  1. February 14, 2011 9:09 am

    Congrats to healthy eating!!!

    Feels like you’re congradulating me for punching myself in the balls.

  2. February 14, 2011 10:56 am

    You don’t have to totally give up on nice food, just moderate things a bit?

    I also hate it when one person takes up space that a group could use. If I ever find myself in that situation I offer to swap. Nice aren’t I?

    Moderation is for pussies. (Yes, I’m aware of the irony in having all comments be moderated before posting.)

  3. February 14, 2011 12:26 pm

    Sounds like quite the last hurrah! I haven’t been to Denny’s since I was a kid, but back then I loved their Belgian waffles.

    Good luck with your healthy eating!

    Well, if you’re gonna go out, go out with a bang, or possibly a grand slam.

  4. February 14, 2011 12:35 pm

    Tis a good sign you’re not cleaning the plate at Dennys. I for one do miss the Super Bird.

    But I feel guilty and depressed. Awesome fried food never done that before. Usually it’s the cure for guilt and depression.

  5. February 14, 2011 7:23 pm

    I think I’ve had my last Hurrah meal ohhhh about 10 times….

    so… waiting for lucky number 13?

  6. February 14, 2011 9:02 pm

    Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we diet!

    Sounds pretty tasty.

    Richard the III?

  7. Riot Kitty permalink
    February 14, 2011 9:17 pm

    I eat healthy but still binge on occasion. Life’s too short not to have treats.

    apparently, if you have too many treats, life gets real short

  8. February 15, 2011 2:12 am

    Changing your eating habits is never an easy thing to do, so good for you for taking that bull by the horns and deciding to do things differently for yourself.

    I’m really proud of you. Breaking that inertia is always the hardest step, and you’re doing it. That’s at least 25 points. :)

    are these points like frequent flyer miles? can I put them towards something of value?

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