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The Rogers Post

March 4, 2011

This morning, for the first time, I watched the new channel 208 on my Rogers cable service.

Along with the fireplace channel and the cottage sunset channel and the aquarium channel, channel 208 is the rotisserie channel. Two spits, three chickens on each spit, slowly spinning, the chickens roasted to perfect golden crisp, juices sizzling and dripping. This is what television is meant to be.

I’ve always looked down on anybody who would watch that fireplace channel. But this is different. This is chicken. Such wonderful chicken. Chicken so good I wanted to lick my television screen. And this is only standard definition. If it was in high definition, I would have licked the television.

So, when’s smellovision hitting the market?

And now for today’s Faggot of the Day.

Yesterday, I sat in a waiting room type place and read an issue of Hello magazine.

I know what you’re thinking. I’m going to award the FOTD to Hello magazine or to anybody who thinks it’s a magazine worth reading.

I could do that, but that would be too obvious.

I was reading the most intelligent page in the magazine. The inside of the front cover which listed the publishing credits.

I’m sorry, did you think the article about Celine Dion’s twins was an intelligent article? ‘Cause it ain’t!

The credits included a list of the higher ups at the publishing company including one Michael J. Fox, senior vice president, circulation and development.

That Michael J. Fox?

No, not that Michael J. Fox. Another Michael J. Fox. A Michael Fox who just happens to use that middle initial which also happens to be the letter J.

If you got a name that happens to be the same name as a celebrity, but requires the usage on a middle initial in order to share that name, why use that middle initial other than to spark a stupid conversation. “Michael Bolton???” But unlike Michael Bolton, Michael J. Fox is a generally-liked celebrity (only people who value stem cells over actual living breathing human beings seem to have issue with Michael J. Fox). Everybody liked Back to the Future and Family Ties. He was great on Spin City. And Secret of my Success was, yes dated, but a funny funny movie.

Michael J. Fox, the actor is in the Screen Actors Guild, a union that requires no two members share the same screen name. That is why actors will whip out middle initials or change their names or spell their names in odd ways. Union rules. You want the health plan, you gotta abide by the rules. And yes, there was another American actor named Michael Fox to come before the Family Ties star. Character actor, did a lot of small roles in both television and movies.

So, Mr. Michael J. Fox, senior vice president, circulation and development of Rogers Publishing, for using your middle initial which seems to be for no other reason than to spark an insipid conversation, you are today’s Faggot of the Day. You could have been just Michael Fox or Mike Fox or Mick Fox or Michael Justinian Fox (I’m just guessing what the J stands for), but you chose to be Michael J. Fox even after another person with that very name rose to international celebrity stardom.

9 Comments leave one →
  1. March 4, 2011 7:56 am

    So, this rotisserie channel – do they start with a raw chicken that cooks as the day goes on, eventually blackening and bursting into a fatty fireball? That would be worth watching…

    I think it’s a sixty second loop or a thirty second loop. It’s not much, but it’s always looking good enough to eat.

  2. March 4, 2011 11:51 am

    I was under the impression that Michael J Fox’s real middle initial is A.

    Got nothing.

    Irrelevant. That other guy is still a faggot.

  3. March 4, 2011 11:55 am

    Cable seems much more fun in Canada!


    Can’t think of anything more fun than rotisserie chicken.

  4. March 4, 2011 9:52 pm

    Are you kidding!? We now have a Chicken Channel? I should never have cancelled my cable. I can’t believe I’m missing out on this.

    I’d switch back for the the chicken channel alone

  5. Riot Kitty permalink
    March 4, 2011 11:59 pm

    When I saw “Rogers” I wondered: 1) Buck, 2) Kenny, 3) Mr.

    Rogers is a Canadian cable provider

  6. March 5, 2011 12:01 am

    You tell ’em! How I hate people trying to trick us by using celebrity names!

    I changed my name last weekend to “Stephen King”, btw.

    Going by the name Stephenie Meyer wasn’t working for ya?

  7. March 5, 2011 2:12 pm

    How exactly does the attempt of a coat tail ride on a celebrity’s name somehow indicate sexual orientation ? …

    A man trying to ride the tail of another man… Asked and answered my friend.

  8. March 6, 2011 9:02 pm

    You seriously didn’t make up this rotisserie channel??

    I know what you’re thinking, too good to be true. But it is true. I swear to God, it’s true, it’s real.

  9. March 7, 2011 12:49 am

    Ooh, a chicken channel? Awesome! How about a burger channel? Wait, I know, a steak channel! On the grill. :)

    The FotD – the person who has the same name as a celebrity – ought to put something like *not the celebrity* after their name. Or the celebrity should put *yeah, that famous celebrity* after theirs. Or they should all adopt the same surname, like “StarName” or something. Because there are just too many people called “Cher” out there.

    Hey, you named your daugher Cher Madonna Lady Gaga. That was your dumb idea, not mine.

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