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Monsters

March 14, 2011

So, there’s this movie out now. Kind of like Beauty and the Beast, except that it’s for the Twilight crowd. It’s called Beastly. I used to wonder why movies today sucked. Now I don’t. Now I see that Hollywood is pandering to teenage girls and their soft-core monster porn.

“The werewolf just took his shirt off. OMG!”

Speaking of stories for kids with a moral of trying to find the good in somebody, remember Care Bears? Those fuzzy cartoon bears who would thrust their pelvises at mean people and fire hearts and rainbows from their bellies.

Wow. I just realized Care Bears are just gay furries. That’s fucked up.

So, on Care Bears, there was this little fuzzy rat thing. He was the henchman for the evil wizard. His name was Beastly too. Not to be confused with the bad guy on My Pet Monster, Beastur.

But I gotta say, this movie Beastly. Not bad a movie.

Obviously that was a joke. I didn’t watch that stupid movie. If I want to see young women swoon over a guy’s chest, I’ll just take my shirt off.

bam

As for my weekend, last night I went to Dave & Busters. Wasn’t planning on going there. Just sorta ended up there. Had I known I was going there, I would have brought any left over credits or tickets won. Instead, I had to start anew.

Guess who cleaned up!

I wanted to play the trivia game because well, I do good with that game because I know shit. But that game was packed most of the night. Instead I just sorta walked around, played a bit of this, a bit of that.

You know that game with the spinning light and you have to stop it at the right spot to win the jackpot. Jackpot.

You know that game where you fire the coin onto the ledges and whatever coins fall down, you win. Oh, the coins were my friends last night.

First, I played a coin ledge machine that had two ledges. I got to the machine and noticed a nice pile just screaming to be pushed over. I fired about twenty coins and very few came tumbling down. As I fired the last few coins, a pair of people appeared behind me and started talking to each other. Pesky lurkers. I was tired and wanted to go to another game, but I knew that these people were just waiting to cash in on a machine that I warmed up. So I played a bit more on that machine. Glad I did. I slowed down my pace hoping the lurkers would leave. Before they left, they saw me cash in all of them coins. Poof. The lurkers were gone. I cleaned out that machine and went to find a bucket for all the tickets I did won.

It was a Sunday night and I was getting a bit tired. I found another of those coin ledge machines to quickly burn through the remaining credits on my player’s card. This second coin ledge machine only had one ledge, but it also had these three bonus holes. Put a coin through a hole, get a bonus. Got that bonus twice. Also spilled over plenty of coins. Won over 1200 tickets on that last machine alone, just trying to quickly burn through any remaining credits.

I cashed in a bunch of my tickets on some standard prize crap. Got me a Cookie Monster. Also got me a Krusty the Clown, an Itchy and a Scratchy.

And now for today’s Faggot of the Day.

Furries.

There, I said it. I think furries are wrong.

What people do in the privacy of their own bedroom is none of my business. But when people dress up as animals and fuck, that shit is wrong. Nowhere in the world should somebody be watching Winnie the Pooh and muttering in a musky, low voice “Hey there Winnie, you can get your head stuck in my honey pot.”

Let’s face it folks. Furries are just people who want to fuck animals but are too lazy to go find a poorly guarded farm or zoo. These people watch Animal Planet and touch themselves. I hope animal services checks in on known furries to make sure these people aren’t fucking their cats and dogs.

Furries just should not be.

No no no. Wrong wrong wrong. Furries, faggots. End of discussion.

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9 Comments leave one →
  1. March 14, 2011 8:39 am

    If only pelvic thrusting could fix all the world’s problems…

    Let’s do the funky Duckman! You put down down! You thrust your pelvis HUAH! You thrust your pelvis HUAH! You thrust your pelvis HUAH! You thrust your pelvis HUAH!

  2. March 14, 2011 10:36 am

    i used to love the care bears, and bought the movie not too long ago…i also used to LOVE my pet monster. I do not think that I would like this movie Beastly.

    What’s your stance on the other Care Bear creatures, like the lion and the elephant Care Bear?

  3. March 14, 2011 1:49 pm

    Do furries dress as Care Bears? Wait…I don’t want to know.

    best not to spoil any childhood memories, gotcha

  4. Riot Kitty permalink
    March 14, 2011 6:57 pm

    LMAO! I love Care Bears, but not in that way. And yeah, furries are sick motherfuckers.

    care bear cousins too?

  5. March 14, 2011 8:03 pm

    Wow, am I ever with you on the FotD. Yuck.

    kinda waiting for some pansy ass furry to leave me a nasty comment, but it ain’t happened yet

  6. March 14, 2011 9:24 pm

    When I was lurking around outside the Furry convention in PA I noticed children going in. I’ll admit the Furries are an odd bunch, like ODD, but do they really have sex wearing the costumes??

    these people give doggy-style a whole new meaning

  7. March 15, 2011 12:54 pm

    LOL at talking dirty to Winnie the Pooh. That’s classic.

    He is a furrie’s wet dream

  8. March 15, 2011 7:56 pm

    I have seen some depraved things in my day, but if furries means what I think it means, then that is some sick stuff. *shudder*

    It’s a sick new form of animal lust.

  9. March 23, 2011 3:49 pm

    There’s a saying about Wyoming: It’s where men are men and sheep are scared. I’m just sayin’…

    And if you Wyoming women weren’t so ugly and chaste, maybe the men wouldn’t have to resort to sheep-lovin’. I’m just sayin’…

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