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Zonked

April 26, 2011

Got home yesterday after a hard day of work followed by a grueling session at the gym.

The Spitfire had me hit the rowing machine. That machine kills me. I row casually for thirty seconds. Then fast for thirty seconds. Again casually for thirty. Then again fast for thirty. I’m supposed to do a final casual thirty but I fail shortly into that. Maybe I get five or ten seconds into that period. It absolutely destroys me.

By six o’clock I was on my couch trying to keep awake. I had something in the oven and had to, you know, not let it get destroyed because I feel asleep while it was baking.

Once it was done, I turned off the oven then went to my bed. I slept for at least two hours, maybe closer to three. I didn’t watch the clock when I arose from my slumber.

I watched some television after that. Went back to bed around eleven something. Still wish I had more sleep.

One of the things I watched on television was a new program called Workaholics. It’s a half-hour comedy about three guys who “work” in some cubicle-based office. Based on the title and the couple of episodes I’ve seen, I’m guessing the term workaholic is meant to be ironic. These guys don’t seem to work too hard. Basically, three stoners trying not to work is the premise of this program. It was kind of funny.

And now for today’s Faggot of the Day.

William and Kate have decided that the only alcoholic beverages to be served at their wedding reception will be champagne and wine. They do not want any beer or hard liquor to be served. It is because they feel it would be inappropriate for beer or hard liquor to be consumed in the presence of the Queen.

I dislike the fact that people who are not getting married are imposing their will on the people who are in fact, the ones getting married.

Let’s say, speaking completely hypothetically, let’s say I was getting married.

[pause for laughter]

If it’s my wedding, the only person telling me what to do at the wedding should be my husband-to-be. (Yup folks, that shit’s legal in Canada, I think, er, I dunno, whatever.) I don’t want people telling me “Oh, you gotta invite the Papadopolises, they cousins.” Regardless, I don’t want them at my wedding. They smell and their idea of an envelope is a fucking dollar store greeting card.

Let’s face it folks. If I’m getting married, it’s only for the money. I ain’t doin’ it for love.

So today’s faggots are the people who impose their will on the couple getting married. Okay, it’s not as bad as the Primae Noctis* the English imposed on the Scottish during the reign of Edward I, but it’s still uncomfortable.

In the case of William and Kate, I wonder if the Queen actually asked them not to serve beer, or if they just assumed it would be crude to serve beer in her presence. Although I do like the Queen, I think she should be open to a bit more modernization. I mean, next time she’s in America, she should go to a baseball game, eat a hot dog, but for the love of God, she should stay clear of Reggie Jackson.

* A law stating that the Lord of the land has sexual rights to any woman on her wedding night. Remember that scene in Braveheart where William Wallace returns to Scotland and goes to a wedding and the English Lord rides up to the wedding and declares that it’s his right to have sex with the bride.

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. April 26, 2011 10:00 am

    Anyone involved with the royal wedding can bite my ass.

    It’s different for me. The Queen is on my money.

  2. April 26, 2011 11:42 am

    No hard drink because the Queen will be there – very silly! Unless it will bring back sad memories of her mother (The Queen Mother) who used to visit the officer’s mess at the palace and drink them all under the table!

    But here’s the thing. How do you get a man to say “I do” without getting him completely shitfaced first?

  3. April 26, 2011 7:27 pm

    I envy you being able to nap then go back to bed a couple hours later. Me, I’d be up all night if I took a big nap that late. ‘Course, I’m not working out and working full-time and when I do both it’s not driven by a spitfire li’l demon of exercise evil.

    Maybe you should get a little imp-like demon to poke you in the ass with a pitchfork to get you moving.

  4. Riot Kitty permalink
    April 26, 2011 10:20 pm

    I think the monarchy in general is quite silly.

    Nowadays, yes, but I do like my money.

  5. April 27, 2011 1:33 am

    I’m with you on the FotD. Been there, done that. Sent back the postcard.

    The Queen was at the Kentucky Derby a couple of years ago, and they didn’t suspend alcohol for her then. Beer, wine, mint juleps – all were flowing like the proverbial river, despite her presence. Maybe it’s just because with William and Kate it’s a wedding, a more solemn occasion, so beer and strong spirits don’t seem to “belong.” I dunno, I’m just guessing.

    Generally weddings are more solemn occasions than watching midgets ride horses.

  6. May 2, 2011 4:26 pm

    Maybe the Queen is a closet alcoholic and she pounds beer and vodka like it’s nobody’s business then she table dances. Maybe William & Kate were trying to save themselves from the embarrassment.

    Or maybe it’s to save embarrassment by Prince Harry.

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