Zonked

Got home yesterday after a hard day of work followed by a grueling session at the gym.

The Spitfire had me hit the rowing machine. That machine kills me. I row casually for thirty seconds. Then fast for thirty seconds. Again casually for thirty. Then again fast for thirty. I’m supposed to do a final casual thirty but I fail shortly into that. Maybe I get five or ten seconds into that period. It absolutely destroys me.

By six o’clock I was on my couch trying to keep awake. I had something in the oven and had to, you know, not let it get destroyed because I feel asleep while it was baking.

Once it was done, I turned off the oven then went to my bed. I slept for at least two hours, maybe closer to three. I didn’t watch the clock when I arose from my slumber.

I watched some television after that. Went back to bed around eleven something. Still wish I had more sleep.

One of the things I watched on television was a new program called Workaholics. It’s a half-hour comedy about three guys who “work” in some cubicle-based office. Based on the title and the couple of episodes I’ve seen, I’m guessing the term workaholic is meant to be ironic. These guys don’t seem to work too hard. Basically, three stoners trying not to work is the premise of this program. It was kind of funny.

And now for today’s Faggot of the Day.

William and Kate have decided that the only alcoholic beverages to be served at their wedding reception will be champagne and wine. They do not want any beer or hard liquor to be served. It is because they feel it would be inappropriate for beer or hard liquor to be consumed in the presence of the Queen.

I dislike the fact that people who are not getting married are imposing their will on the people who are in fact, the ones getting married.

Let’s say, speaking completely hypothetically, let’s say I was getting married.

[pause for laughter]

If it’s my wedding, the only person telling me what to do at the wedding should be my husband-to-be. (Yup folks, that shit’s legal in Canada, I think, er, I dunno, whatever.) I don’t want people telling me “Oh, you gotta invite the Papadopolises, they cousins.” Regardless, I don’t want them at my wedding. They smell and their idea of an envelope is a fucking dollar store greeting card.

Let’s face it folks. If I’m getting married, it’s only for the money. I ain’t doin’ it for love.

So today’s faggots are the people who impose their will on the couple getting married. Okay, it’s not as bad as the Primae Noctis* the English imposed on the Scottish during the reign of Edward I, but it’s still uncomfortable.

In the case of William and Kate, I wonder if the Queen actually asked them not to serve beer, or if they just assumed it would be crude to serve beer in her presence. Although I do like the Queen, I think she should be open to a bit more modernization. I mean, next time she’s in America, she should go to a baseball game, eat a hot dog, but for the love of God, she should stay clear of Reggie Jackson.

* A law stating that the Lord of the land has sexual rights to any woman on her wedding night. Remember that scene in Braveheart where William Wallace returns to Scotland and goes to a wedding and the English Lord rides up to the wedding and declares that it’s his right to have sex with the bride.