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Future Movie

April 27, 2011

For no other reason than boredom, here’s a list of some movies I’ve seen that take place in a weird future. Okay, I know one guy who might find this list interesting and useful. So, if I’ve helped one person do one thing, then at least it’s better than blogging about my penis.

  • Children of Men – In a world where all women have been rendered barren, one woman gets pregnant. She must be protected from those who wish to use her as a, I dunno. Someone wanted to use her for something. I don’t remember. It was an interesting premise but it was also boring as fuck. Woulda made a good short film, that’s it.
  • Demolition Man – Sylvester Stallone is thawed out in a squeaky clean future in order to catch Wesley Snipes. Together with Denis Leary and Sandra Bullock, Sly catches Wesley and teaches the future world that swearing and red meat and masturbation aren’t all bad. And all the while, Sly’s got poo stains in his underpants.
  • No Escape – Ray Liotta as the hero on a Mad Max-esque prison island. Ray Liotta doesn’t get enough parts where he goes around offing psycho-cannibals and that’s a shame. He’s really good at it.
  • Robocop – Judging by what Detroit’s turned into, this movie is pretty damn hitting close to home these days.
  • eXistenZ – There’s enough movies that take place in the present day that make me say “What the fuck was that?” so there’s no need to put one in the future and involve time-traveling organ-like goober things.
  • The Terminator, Terminator 2: Judgement Day & Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines – Three movies that paint a beautiful picture of what leads to the post-apocalyptic warzone movie. Most people didn’t like the third. I liked it. I thought the ending was great.
  • 12 Monkeys – Not enough monkeys.
  • Cyborg – It was supposed to be a sequel to Masters of the Universe. You know, the He-Man movie starring Dolph Lundgren. Something went wrong and it got all weird. Probably had something to do with casting a tiny Belgian guy instead of a giant Swede. Regardless of how it happened, it was a great movie. Story, meh. Acting, meh. Ass kicking, top notch.
  • Planet of the Apes (1968) – See, that’s the right number of monkeys.
  • Planet of the Apes (2001) – Little known fact, Helena Bonham Carter wore no make-up or monkey prosthesis. She just didn’t shave before filming scenes.
  • Starship Troopers – Loyalty, respect, obedience and Doogie Howser; those are the only ways to protect Earth from giant brain bugs.
  • Logan’s Run – People living in a domed world and being sacrificed in order to maintain a minimal population. Good have been a lot better than it was.

And now, after having read that useless list, you’re all wishing I had blogged about Mr. Fernando.

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. April 27, 2011 7:20 am

    Another strange one is Ice Pirates, featuring some really bad robots like the one that unscrews its own belly button and falls to pieces.

    A great list, btw!

    Ice Pirates???

  2. April 27, 2011 12:57 pm

    How about the Matrix? No, wait, that one was set in the present. Or was it? I think the premise was that the present is actually the future. Or something. Now I’m confused.

    Who cares? It sucked.

  3. April 27, 2011 9:42 pm

    Nice list! I loved most of those. Never saw the eXistenZ one. Sounds like a late-night male-enhancement pill commercial, frankly.

    you’re thinking of the one Jimmy Johnson shills for

  4. April 28, 2011 4:05 am

    Children of Men – so totally on with that assessment!

    12 Monkeys – not enough crazy Pitt. He did that really well. He may not have been acting!

    Planet of the Apes – either one – Monkeys rule the world? When pigs fly!

    Logan’s Run – but it had Farrah.

    And that’s probably the extent of my “weird future” movies. OH! Except for this one I caught on TV when I was little Called Genesis II. I remember the people had 2 belly buttons and how I thought that was so weird. I was like 7 or something.

    Pitt sucks monkey balls. That is all.

  5. May 3, 2011 3:28 pm

    You need to make your font bigger.

    Maybe you’re right.

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