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Lingering Thoughts on Lingerie

April 27, 2011

If I was going to start a male lingerie company, I’d call it This Is My Penis. Or quite possibly Yup, That’s My Cock.

I’m not quite sure what exactly male lingerie would be. I guess it would be seductive underpants and male breast support garments. Throw in some garters and some lace.

I went to a dollar store recently. I was looking for something that I wasn’t quite sure which aisle I would find it. I picked one end of the store and went up and down every aisle until I found it. Before I found it, I passed by the section with the women’s panties. I would rather go commando than wear undergarments purchased at a dollar store.

Undergarments are the one piece of clothing I will never skimp on. I regularly pay over twenty dollars for a single unit of underpants. Nothing too good for my boys.

There are three things I will never buy at a dollar store: anything that might touch my dick, anything that I might put in my mouth and anything that has the potential to spontaneously combust. I just don’t trust dollar store quality.

If I need a gift bag or some stickers, the dollar store is the place to be. If I need random decorations, the dollar store is the place to be. If I need a non-Frisbee brand flying disc, then the dollar store is the place to be. If I need something that I’d rather use once then throw away instead of cleaning, then the dollar store is the place to be.

I spotted a brand of soda pop at the dollar store. Beneath the shelf with the RC Cola was a shelf of cream soda cans with the Snow White brand name. Snow White also offers an orange soda flavour. I’m afraid to find out what’s in that stuff. From reading the can, I determined the stuff is made in Quebec. The same place where people have to be warned not to purchase black market cheese from door-to-door salesmen. Yeah, no. I ain’t putting that shit in my mouth.

I will say this about the dollar store: it’s the one place you can buy a shopping cart full of crap and have change left from a twenty.

And now for today’s Faggot of the Day.

How sad must a person be to try to spark a conversation with another person in line to pay at the dollar store?

There was this guy in front of me in line at the dollar store. He had a handful of batteries. He turned around and noticed I was carrying a basket full of dust masks.

“You’ve gotta lotta dust masks there,” he noted.

“I’ve gotta lotta dust,” was my reply.

In line at the dollar store is not the place to go to pick-up guys. Got that? Good.

So, battery guy, you are today’s faggot of the day.

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11 Comments leave one →
  1. April 27, 2011 1:28 pm

    No way…i buy gum and diet coke at the dollar store if im there and want gum or a drink

    Yet you give up food for double Lent.

  2. April 27, 2011 2:49 pm

    He wanted you.

    can you blame him…

  3. April 27, 2011 7:58 pm

    Yah, there are many things that I wouldn’t buy at the dollar store. I always feel bad when I see ppl buying food there… It makes me sad that they probably can’t afford something else.

    I feel that way too. But normally, when I’m in there, it’s mostly just stoned teenagers buying shiny things.

  4. April 27, 2011 9:38 pm

    Men’s lingerie, huh? Scary thought, that. I’m going to have nightmares thinking of me in lingerie and I have to look at myself in the mirror.

    Horror.

    Scarier than any zombie or vampire story, that’s fer sure.

  5. Riot Kitty permalink
    April 27, 2011 10:00 pm

    OMG, thanks for the laughs! I think this is the funniest post you have written, to date.

    So with you on the Dollar Store purchases/non-purchases, and for not skimping on underwear.

    And for the record, if there was a store called Yup, That’s My Cock, I’d totally shop there.

    Thank you very much

  6. April 27, 2011 11:21 pm

    I only go there for cards and notebooks! I can’t imagine buying a fork from there…..and I’ve never seen underwear there ever!

    it’s next to the panty hose

  7. Riot Kitty permalink
    April 27, 2011 11:23 pm

    PS This made me laugh so much that I included a link in my lingerie-related post.

  8. April 28, 2011 4:17 am

    Makes you wonder what he was going to do with all those batteries.

    Maybe he’s got a dust fetish. Or a dust-mask fetish.

    Okay, that’s enough EWWW for the day! LOL

    I’m the one with the dust mask fetish.

  9. April 28, 2011 4:20 am

    I can think of worse places to start a conversation – a public toilet, a sex shop, STD clinic…

    STD clinics are great places to pick up chicks. Gotta figure every woman in there puts out.

  10. April 28, 2011 12:12 pm

    I like your rule of three!

    Cxx

    Like many good things, these rules come in threes.

  11. Sparkling Red permalink
    April 30, 2011 1:12 pm

    Last night a weird guy tried to pick me up in the checkout line at the grocery store. He was buying one gorpy cupcake in a plastic box. As I was leaving, I saw him perched on a plastic chair by the exit door, eating his cupcake. Very weird.

    that was me

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