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Everyone Loves Marineland?

July 14, 2011

It’s done. It’s booked. My next mini-trip. (Remember the days when I never went anywhere? Those were better days for my wallet.)

I’m heading down to Niagara Falls for a weekend later this month. It’s not much of a trip but that’s all I can get right now. I’m swamped at work and taking a Friday and Saturday off is probably more than I should be taking off right now.

But, when work is at it’s busiest is when a person most needs a little vacation. People don’t need vacations when work is slow and easy. Look at teachers and school staff. They get two months off a year. Many of those people take some time during those two months and travel. But what are they traveling away from? Their job? Nope. It’s not there.

If there’s ever a time when a teacher most needs a vacation, I’m guessing it’s in the next to last week of the school term. Lots of tests and assignments to be graded and report cards to be submitted. I’m guessing that’s the busiest and most stressful time of year for teachers. So that’s when they should take a vacation. Even just for a couple of days. Clear out the jumble of crap floating around the brain.

So, I’m taking a weekend off at my busy time to forget about the fact that I’ve got a job and bills to pay and stuff like that.

It’s only a weekend. I can’t go all that far. It’s an hour and half drive, maybe two; depending on things like traffic and how fast I feel like driving. And because it’s the summer, who knows how much road construction there is going on right now.

And I’m going to be doing the touristy crap in Niagara Falls. Things like the wax museums and haunted houses. I might even hit a casino and, ooo, gamble.

Yeah, I’m not much of a gambler. Twenty bucks in the slots, that’s it.

One thing I know I’m going to do is eat. EAT!

I’m going back to Mick & Angelo’s. Saw that place on Man v Food. Then I’m going to eat at another place I saw on Man v Food, the Silo. Get me a footlong haystack. That’s beef, cheese and hash browns in a roll.

And of course, I’m heading back to IHOP.

Maybe I’ll take a look at the waterfalls. Meh. Probably not. Oooo, falling water. Never seen that before.

One thing I know for sure I’m not doing is Marineland, the crappy, watered-down Canadian equivalent to Sea World. Marineland sucks. The least crappy thing at Marineland is the reindeer range.

Yup. You read that right. Reindeer.

Why does an aquarium slash amusement park have reindeer? You see, in Canada, the nation with the most coastline of any nation in the world, the nation with the most water in the world; we still don’t grasp the concept that if it’s got legs, hooves and antlers, IT AIN’T A FUCKING FISH!

The reindeer range is basically just a fenced off piece of land with reindeers running around. Visitors to the park can go into the range and pet the reindeers. They can also get some reindeer feed and give it to the reindeers. Of course, as soon as the reindeers see a person holding that little paper cup filled with feed, they sprint over and assault the person holding the cup.

And here’s a little known fact about Marineland. In many of their television commercials, shown is a person next to the killer whale tank getting kissed by a killer whale (or some other large sea mammal) rising out of the tank. Every couple of years, they change up the commercial and show a new person getting some whale-lovin’. If you’ve seen the commercials, then you know what I’m talking about. The little known fact is that when Miss Ash was a little girl, she was the little girl in the Marineland commercial getting kissed by a killer whale. Found it on Youtube. Check it out. About 18 seconds into the clip.

That’s pretty much it for my upcoming trip to Niagara Falls. I’m not going to visit any of the wineries. I really don’t have any interest in seeing wine made. Ever since we all got to see Chumlee on Pawn Stars make wine, I’ve lost my taste for toe-jam, thank you very much.

But maybe on the way back home, I’ll drive through downtown Niagara-on-the-Lake. There’s a wonderful tea shop in there. And it’s right next to a wonderful fudge shop. I don’t want to see people make wine, but I’d sure like to see people pack fudge.

And now for today’s Faggot of the Day.

Anybody who actually loves Marineland. It’s just a crappy animal prison with polka music. Marineland fans are being collectively awarded the faggot of the day today.

8 Comments leave one →
  1. Bob permalink
    July 14, 2011 11:23 am

    I am going to Niagara falls on the weekend at the end of the month too! I am not going to all the cool places you seem to be. :(

    Have fun!

    That’s because you’re wasting your time visiting King Waldorf or possibly doing girlie stuff. Boo!

  2. July 14, 2011 12:03 pm

    Have a great trip! I’d love to get away for a few days, just forget things. Just staying in a nice hotel somewhere would be find. But UGH with the expenses!

    Anything to get away from the wife and kids, right?

  3. July 14, 2011 5:14 pm

    Woo! I hope you have a great time!

    Speaking of food, are you still doing those workouts with your personal trainer? You haven’t talked about that in a while.

    When I was a kid we went on a field trip to a place called Marine World, Africa USA. I think they might have been affiliated with Sea World but I’m not sure and I was in 6th grade so I wouldn’t have cared. But it was fun. No reindeer as I recall! They did brag about their killer whale though.

    I exercise so that I may eat more.

  4. Riot Kitty permalink
    July 14, 2011 6:28 pm

    Reindeer? Seriously?

    watch the video and you’ll see the reindeer around some people

  5. July 15, 2011 8:43 am

    That was awesome seeing Little Miss Ash in that retro Marineland commercial.

    I remember being mauled by reindeer there when I went as a kid. One bit me in the back and I got mad and left. I was also bitter that I wasn’t the little girl kissed by the whale.

    Have fun on your weekend getaway. My fave thing to do in NF is to get a chocolate-covered strawberry at the Hershey store.

    Wasn’t Li’l Miss Ash a little cutie-pie?

  6. July 15, 2011 5:06 pm

    That haystack sandwich sounds AMAZING.

    I don’t think I’d be able to stand Marineland. I can’t go to the Metro Toronto Zoo anymore. Most of the animals there are neurotic and depressed. It’s like going to animal jail. It’s horrible.

    If it didn’t sound amazing, I wouldn’t be driving across international borders just to get one.

  7. July 17, 2011 5:37 pm

    I did get kissed by a whale there….but I was like 17 not 7 LOL totally not me in the commercial but nice try.

    Where is Silo? I don’t like Mick and Angelos very much….

    Damn. So close.

    The Silo is an old coal silo in Lewiston right on top of the river. I think it’s a bit north of the Queenston Lewiston bridge.

    • July 17, 2011 10:40 pm

      I feel like I’ve been had! I’ll never believe anything on this blog again!!!!! LOL

      No longer am I you’re number 1 trusted news source. Oh well. I’ll have to learn to live with that fact for the rest of my life. I can only hope that one day I can regain your trust.

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