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Steven Seagal: Cockpuncher or Poochsnuffer?

September 1, 2011

I’m sure all of you know by now that Steven Seagal has that television show where he rides along with some sheriff’s department going on raids and such. Well, Seagal’s actions have got himself into trouble. Here is what I’ve heard has happened.

Seagal went along on a raid of a house that is suspected to be involved with cockfighting.

There’s no part of that sentence I didn’t find funny.

For some reason, not sure exactly what the reason is, I can only speculate, Seagal shot and killed an eleven month old dog in the house.

Even if we give Seagal the benefit of the doubt and say that the dog was chomping on his groin, if that, why would Seagal have a loaded firearm? Can’t the guy subdue a dog with karate chops and low blows? C’mon! Ever seen Under Siege 2: Dark Territory? The guy disarms a bunch of bad guys using only karate chops and a helluva lot of low blows. Sure it was just a movie, but the guy fights dirty. Wouldn’t some of those dirty moves work just as well, if not better on a dog?

We all make fun of Arnold for being governor but remember, a bunch of people in California had to vote him in to make him governor. So I give Arnie’s governing a pass because it ain’t his fault. Its California’s fault. But who can we blame for Steven Seagal being given a loaded gun and brought along on a police raid? Seriously. I want to know. I need to know what county or state to avoid. I’m afraid of what they put in the water down there. Something there is giving the people in authority there the idea that “Sure, let’s give Steven Seagal a gun and an opportunity to use it,” is a good idea. And on top of that, cockfighting is apparently an issue down there.

Speculative reasons why Steven Seagal shot that puppy.

  • The dog had one of those Planet Terror machine gun leg prosthetics.
  • Steven thought the dog was Triumph the Insult Comic Dog.
  • The dog told Steven that Jean Claude Van Damme could kick his ass blindfolded.
  • The dog was peeing on a DVD copy of The Glimmer Man.
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7 Comments leave one →
  1. September 1, 2011 11:03 am

    I was completely unaware of this TV show. Thanks for educating me. :)

    You’re welcome.

  2. September 1, 2011 12:15 pm

    I have seen that show a couple of times – funniest thing was seeing him chasing a 400 pound gang member down the road. He caught up eventually!

    I’ve never given a thought towards watching it. Don’t want to encourage Seagal to continue.

  3. September 1, 2011 12:38 pm

    I thought he was a full-blown deputy himself, but maybe I misunderstood. I’ve heard of it, but never saw the show myself. And what a waste of time and film. Now he’s killed something for real. Great.

    I’m betting it’s because of reason three or four; those are the best reasons. Although Seagal himself CRAPPED on the “The Glimmer Man” — why kill a dog for pissing on it?

    I’m just assuming Seagal has the same level of badge that Elvis and Shaq have.

  4. Riot Kitty permalink
    September 1, 2011 2:57 pm

    Steven Seagal need to be cock-punched. Who would shoot a puppy? What a sick fuck.

    Maybe he thought it was a giant cockroach?

  5. September 1, 2011 4:08 pm

    Yeah. The fat bastard’s been “Deputized”.

    Is gonna eat a baby too?

  6. September 2, 2011 1:26 am

    I think his badge is legit. I was reading something about it when he first came on that show.

    Never been a fan of his, but I’d kill a dog that was attacking me or mine. Those beasties aren’t so much pets anymore as “security.”

    But couldn’t he just karate chop the dog? Why did he have to shoot it?

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