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Women Hurt

December 8, 2011

I’m assuming many of you have already heard of this story. I’m usually the last person to learn of viral things. I only learned yesterday that Angry Birds is a video game. I thought it was just some stupid line of plush toys that made goofy sounds. Oh never mind. The story of which I speak is of this email some guy called Mike sent to a woman called Lauren.

We’ve all had those first dates that didn’t turn into second dates. I’ve certainly shared some of those stories in the internet world. I’ve certainly heard all kinds of reasons and explanations for there not being a second date. I’ve also been thoroughly avoided by women from whom I was seeking a second date. That’s generally the case. Women not wanting a second date with me.

So ladies… How do you brush off a guy wanting that second date? Do you grow a pair and answer his phone calls and tell him “No.” Do you send an email? Something? Anything? Or do you be all woman and just avoid the guy like the plague?

And now I’m going to tell a little story. This actually happened to me. This was last summer. Wait, not this past summer, this was last year’s summer. So summer of 2010.

Somebody who happened to read my blog from time to time was curious to meet me. This woman happened to know somebody that I know. She acquired my email address and sent me a little message. I’m a gentleman (stop laughing), I replied. We got a little discussion going and decided to meet.

I can admit now as I could admit from the first moment I laid eyes on this woman. I ain’t bringing my A-game tonight.

Don’t get the wrong idea. She wasn’t ugly. In fact she could be easy on the eyes. But she had a tongue-stud and smoked. Those are both dealbreakers for me. End of discussion.

I played nice anyway. I’m a gentleman.

Throughout the evening, it was pretty clear to both of us that this wasn’t going anywhere. I’ve been with women who have led me on. This woman wasn’t leading me on. I got the message pretty clear that she wasn’t interested in me.

Following the meeting, we exchanged text messages thanking each other for a nice time.

After a crappy date, this woman had the decency to at least give me that little message that didn’t lead me on and didn’t leave an opening for further meetings. She did not say “Let’s do this again” or “Call me.” This was a woman whom I didn’t have very many nice things to say about after this one meeting, but I will say this: she didn’t lead me on just to brush me off later. Frighteningly, that makes her a minority as I don’t believe most women will do that. Most women certainly haven’t done that with me.

So ladies, how do you handle guys seeking a second date?

7 Comments leave one →
  1. December 8, 2011 4:36 pm

    Never having dated*, I don’t have an answer for that question. However, at this stage in my life, hypothetically, I would like to think that I’d be straightforward about my intentions. I’m pretty up front with people even when I’m telling them things they probably won’t want to hear, most of the time.
    * I have had four boyfriends in my life, all of whom I knew as friends before we segued into obviously mutual attractions. Two of those boyfriends eventually became husbands.

    I thought your husband was mail order.

  2. Riot Kitty permalink
    December 8, 2011 8:15 pm

    Before I met Mr. RK, I was just honest if it didn’t work for me. Except for the one time where I was so disgusted by someone’s behavior that I managed to get him to believe that I was into bondage. Plan worked: He never called again.

    What if the guy had his own leather mask? What would you have done then?

  3. December 9, 2011 9:50 pm

    I’ve never been one to completely go out of my way to avoid a guy after a horrible first date. If it doesn’t work out, I’m pretty good at sending the message during the date that I’m not overly interested. If I somehow can’t get that point across, then I usually lie and say that I’ve started seeing somebody else. Usually works well enough.

    You actually get to that first meeting. I thought you just cancel the day before. ZING!

  4. December 9, 2011 10:59 pm

    Ugh, that Mike guy, if he exists, is certainly a douche. He sounds as if he counts how many time a girl makes eye contact with him during a date. I’d like to see his data on this to prove that Lauren made far more eye contact than the average.

    I think both males and females are equally bad at dealing with whole “second date” thing when one person wants one, and the other doesn’t. I’ve been on both sides of fence, and it’s tricky. I’ve been straight up, and other times I’ve been maybe not as straightforward as I should have been. I’ve had guys ask me out for the second date on the first date, and then disappear, and others email me for weeks and weeks and never ask me out again.

    Soooo, what I have learned from all of this is not to not take a first date seriously and not think too much about it afterwards. I think ol’ Mike needed to loosen up.

    Anyway, I think it is better if the un-interested party is straight forward about it, but it is a hard thing to do. And it’s not just women who are that way.

    When a guy is out with a lady and he senses something special is happening, he notices all kinds of things that most people never notice.

  5. December 10, 2011 10:43 pm

    I’ve only once ever done the “ya I’ll call you next time I’m in the city” after a horrendous date! Other than that one time I’ve been honest, I just tell them I”m not interested in going out again, if I don’t feel some sort of spark there is no point. Most men have been honest to me and so I in return have been honest as well. We’re adults, it’s the polite thing to do.

    Hey! That was me you said that too! You’re a meanie!

    Kidding. I kid I kid.

  6. December 12, 2011 2:26 am

    That guy was so creepy! He’s the kind of guy who lives in this little fantasy world and has convinced himself that “chicks dig me!” He seems to think if they’re breathing, it must be a come-on. *shudder*

    How do you handle the 2nd date thing with a guy you don’t want to date again? Honestly, it depends on the guy. Some, like yourself, are gentlemen and you can tell them thank you but I don’t think we’re on the same page and they understand. Some guys think you’re just playing hard to get and keep trying to pressure you – those guys get the excuse thing like, “my ex and I are getting back together.” Some guys are scary and you just never give them your real number in the 1st place.

    Many guys are gentlemen, but you do have to be prepared for the weirdos in the crowd.

    And yes, there are plenty of creepy women out there too! I’ve known men friends who dealt with that scenario too.

    By prepared, do you mean mace prepared?

  7. January 2, 2012 1:11 am

    I’m such a bitch few men want a first date…


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