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Weekend Recap

December 12, 2011

Saturday, I went to that wine and cheese party. I brought Kraft Singles and some grape Kool-Aid Jammers. Oh yeah! The reactions:

Kool-Aid and Kraft Singles. Sweet! Dude, you rock!

Kraft Singles aren’t cheese… Me? No, I didn’t bring any cheese. I forgot…

I thought you were joking when you said you’d bring Kraft and Kool-Aid. Way to man up.

I also brought a bottle of wine. Some vintage I picked up a few months ago. That bottle got killed real fast.

On my way home, I went to Wal-Mart. It was still open. Don’t think it’s closing until Christmas Eve. I did a bit of shopping. Okay, I bought a box of chocolates, that’s it. A Christmas present for somebody. That’s it. I didn’t have to buy then, but meh.

Sunday was more eventful. Actually, it wasn’t. I burned my lip on some grocery store pizza.

I saw that Heineken commercial again. You seen that new commercial. There’s this Euro-trash party going on then these two guys have this fake kung-fu fight over a bottle of beer. All the while, some squeaky blonde chick is singing an awful song. That commercial is so stupid, I’m boycotting Heineken now. It’s a dumb commercial, but that song makes it a complete suck-fest.

I understand the concept of the commercial. Heineken wants to sell itself as the beer that Europeans drink because Europeans are suave and debonaire. Of course it’s all bullshit. First of all, the Dutch don’t drink Heineken. That’s the low-brow beer over there. Everywhere else in the world, it’s “la-de-da” Dutch beer. Voila, successful marketing! But mostly, Europeans as suave and debonaire. EURO-TRASH! Europeans don’t bathe everyday. They just cover themselves in tonnes of colognes and perfumes. Some of which, smell worse than body odour.

But it’s that song that makes me want to vomit. It’s just so damn bouncy. It’s sounds like the Gummi Bears bouncing on their butt sound sped up to get a higher, squeakier pitch.

And speaking of speeding up sounds to get a higher, squeakier pitch, I saw an ad for a new Chipmunks movie. Wow. How much money did Jason Lee lose at the track to get stuck doing a third Chipmunks movie?

In the commercial, there’s a clip of the Chipmunks singing a song. I don’t know how the chipmunk voices are being done now, but back in the day, it was just a person singing or talking very slowly then having it sped up in post-production. In this clip from the new movie, there’s obvious auto-tuner on the vocals. I’m so sick of auto-tuner. For crying out loud, can nobody in this world carry a tune anymore?

9 Comments leave one →
  1. December 12, 2011 8:54 am

    Kool-Aid…you’re the man. That’s awesome. And Kraft Singles? Oh, wow…well done. Well done. They’ll remember for years.

    I’m bringing back the common man to the snooty wine and cheese party crowd.

  2. Bob permalink
    December 12, 2011 9:09 am

    More rant than recap this time around.

    I blame the beer commercial. That damn song is still stuck in my head.

    And my weekend was rather uneventful.

  3. December 12, 2011 12:41 pm

    Yup, I’ve sat through the trailer for the Alvin movie twice and I found it very irritating.
    I’m not sure if anyone can carry a tune anymore. I seem to remember autotune being put to better use in the 80’s, as a stylistic ornament instead of as a crutch. Is it just my 80’s nostalgia or do I have a point there?

    Kanye West did a whole album of autotuned vocals. Overkill of an annoying sound effect.

  4. December 12, 2011 5:30 pm

    I’ve never seen that commercial, so I have no idea what you’re talking about. Same as most of the time, I guess…

    you don’t get out much, do ya?

  5. Riot Kitty permalink
    December 12, 2011 7:19 pm

    I love the Kool-Aid man and hate autotune. Cheers.

    Oh yeah!

  6. December 12, 2011 9:45 pm

    I think it’s hilarious that you brought Kool-Aid and Kraft Singles to this party. Bahahaha.

    I commit to jokes.

  7. December 13, 2011 12:09 am

    Oh man, burning lips/mouth whatever on hot food/tea/coffee is the WORST!!!!!

    hot pizza, sauce dripping down my lip, yup, painful

  8. December 15, 2011 11:57 pm

    I haven’t seen the commercials, but then, I don’t have TV service. Zero annoying commercials for me! :)

    Kool-aid rocks and so do Kraft cheese singles. Every other cheese slice brand is terrible. I think it’s awesome you took it to a wine and cheese party. :)

    It’s very me, isn’t it?

  9. January 2, 2012 1:17 am

    I think Heineken tastes like skunky Budweiser.

    it has a shorter shelf life, by the time it gets to you, it’s gone bad. I know what you mean by skunky.

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