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It’s a Madhouse in There

December 13, 2011

There’s this factory warehouse not too far from where I work. Well, there’s lots of factories and warehouses near where I work. But there’s one in particular business that either manufactures or distributes bags and boxes and wrapping materials. Stuff like decorative boxes for whatever. For example, bakeries can have boxes made up by them, thousands at a time, all with custom logos and text printed on them.

This factory warehouse has it’s own little direct to the consumer store on one side of the building.

A week ago or so, I went there at lunch to pick up some wrapping materials. Christmas is coming and I was looking for a specific sort of bag to wrap a specific sort of thing that I shall be gifting to somebody.

I’m the sort of person who gets the Christmas shopping out of the way early, if possible. I don’t daudle and hum and haw. I make a list in my head then I execute the list with precision and determination. When I Christmas shop, especially when I Christmas shop alone, I put my head down and attack the malls with fury. I’m a no nonsense shopper. Get in, get out. The shortest distance between any two points is a straight line and keep to that line. I’m like a power running back, breaking tackles and pushing through the line, sometimes dragging defenders behind me. Nothing is stopping me getting to the end zone.

That shopping methodology may work in malls and boutiques and big box stores. But it didn’t work at this little store. My shopping tricks and practices were no match to the madhouse that existed in what is essentially a wrapping paper store.

This store is dark and dank and grungy. Even the people working there were of no match to the onslaught of consumers. There was a team of workers navigating customers through the aisles in a vain attempt to help locate products and provide solutions. The store was full. Women pushing shopping carts full of gift wrap and tissue paper and ribbons clogged every aisle.

I was only one of two men in the store. The other man was standing in the checkout line with a half empty shopping cart. Occasionally, a woman would appear next to the man and add products to the shopping cart. That is how you shop at this store, as a couple. One person goes right for the checkout line while the other does the actual shopping. It took me a while to find the product I was looking for, but it took even longer to wait in line to check-out.

The checkout had three registers but the line still didn’t move. People were spending hundreds of dollars on wrapping paper and similar products. Bags, boxes, tissue paper, bows, ribbons and crap like that. Everybody in line was dropping dollars in the three digits. It’s not that this stuff is that expensive, it’s that the people were buying that much in quantity. Only in a madhouse does somebody drop one hundred and fifty dollars on just wrapping paper.

Why use wrapping paper at all. This past Friday night, I wrapped three presents using old magazines. I have to use those old issues of SI’s Swimsuit Editions for something. I held that wrapping together without using any adhesive tape. Boo-yah!

The only money spent on the wrapping of the gift should be the card or tag.

What? You say that sounds completely unWIGSF-like. Well, I buy my Christmas cards from fayecass.com because they are the absolute best Christmas cards you’ll ever find. Then I adorn the magazine pages turn wrapping paper with dollar store stickers and cheap toys.

One year, for my brother, I got him some worthless doodad or thingamajig. But I stuck a bunch of dollar store knights in armour toys on the box after I wrapped it. He loved the little toys. They were so him.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. December 13, 2011 9:24 pm

    Wow. I wonder if those people seriously NEED that much wrapping paper, or if they’re going to stockpile for years to come? I remember you telling about the knights on the package before; awesome idea.

    Frankly, I don’t know why the marketing geniuses in super capitalism land haven’t started trying to sell people on the idea of putting presents on the wrapping.

  2. Riot Kitty permalink
    December 14, 2011 12:04 am

    I don’t understand wrapping presents, either, unless it’s some kind of joke. Like Mr. RK used to sew, glue, and otherwise do bondage with wrapping so his family couldn’t open their gifts without a chainsaw. I love that about him.

    Second time in about a week that you’ve commented on this blog and used the word ‘bondage.’ Just wanted to point that out.

  3. December 14, 2011 6:39 am

    I think you should share a photo of your wrapping – I am having difficulty imagining it.

    I don’t want to show it because it people who will receive it may see it and that will spoil some of the surprise. I love to see the look on people’s faces when I hand them something like this.

  4. December 16, 2011 12:37 am

    When you said you stuck the SI pages on there without any tape, my first thought was EWWW! I am so happy to see you meant stickers. :)

    Seriously, I think it’s a great idea! You’re good with stuff like that.

    The stickers are just adornment. The pages are stuck together with EWWW.

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