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Colin Farrell Can’t Be Far Behind

January 6, 2012

In Canada, we got this radio and television network called the CBC. It’s a national network and it’s partially funded by the federal government. When I say partially, I mean they get a big fat cheque every year for 1.1 billion Canuck Bucks. (Yes, that’s the official term for the unit of currency used in Canada.) I haven’t checked recently, but that’s about 1 billion American Dollars. Not chump change. I just want to show how much money this network receives from the taxpayers. Then on top of all of that, the network also has revenue from advertisers and such. It’s not like the television channels broadcast without commercial interruption. I know some of the radio stations broadcast commercial-free, but I don’t know if the programs are otherwise sponsored.

And yet, with all this money, the CBC is a joke. It’s highest rated programs are either hockey games or imported shows like Coronation Street and Jeopardy. Right now, the CBC is hyping a new reality program featuring one of those Dragon’s Den / Shark Tank rich venture capitalist guys. The show is just The Apprentice with one quirk, all the contestants are ex-convicts. I’m rooting for the crack dealer. That’s how much of a joke the CBC is right now.

Last week, a CBC drama series called Republic of Doyle aired a new episode featuring guest star Russell Crowe. Yeah, that Russell Crowe. “My name is Gladiator.” Yeah, that guy.

Do you have any idea how big of a catch that was for the CBC. They can’t catch flies to guest star on their programs. I think the last time the CBC had a guest star of note, it was Alan Thicke. Not 1980s starring on Growing Pains Alan Thicke, but old washed up will do anything for a buck 2000s Alan Thicke.

How the heck did the CBC get Russell Crowe?

Here’s how.

A few years ago Russell Crowe was in Toronto filming a movie. I think it was Cinderella Man. While in Toronto, he made a spectacle of himself. I think one of the telephone throwing incidents was here in Toronto. Who knows what else he did that managed to escape the press but not the justice system. (We don’t have cameras in our courts, only some painter guy.) The CBC, being a crown corporation (a corporation owned by the government) might have swung a deal with Russell Crowe to count towards his community service.

“But your worship, I’m an actor. I have no marketable skills I can lend towards the community.”

“Oh, you’re an actor, eh. I sentence you to one week of community service as an actor. Report to the CBC. I’m sure they’ll find a place for you, eh.”

But what does any of this have to do with Colin Farrell. I’ll tell you. Last summer, Colin was in Toronto filming the remake of Total Recall. He’s never been one to shy away from idiotic behaviour. What are the odds he did something to warrant being given a slap on the wrist from the courts?

“Next week on Being Erica…”

— — — — — — —

This remake of Total Recall got me thinking. Total Recall is being remade. Plans are being put forward to remake Robocop and Starship Troopers. Those are three Paul Verhoeven movies… Keeping my fingers crossed for Showgirls starring the slutty Olsen twin.

8 Comments leave one →
  1. January 6, 2012 8:01 am

    Which one is the slutty one?

    I think Crowe’s appearance has more to do with his weird friendship/connection with Alan Doyle of the Canadian Band “Great Big Sea”. They were in Robin Hood together and I wouldn’t be surprised if Doyle was in the CBC show too.

    What’s Great Big Sea got to with… oh… is he on that show?

  2. January 6, 2012 8:36 am

    Wow, a remake of Total Recall. I missed that one somehow. But if the idiotic behavio(u)r of actors provides star power to the CBC, more power to ’em, I say. Make sure actors never find out about the justice system in Canada and you’ll keep yourselves packed with stars for years to come.

    Forget stars, how about some talent.

  3. January 6, 2012 10:01 am

    Awww, I like the CBC. More for its radio-programming, documentaries, The Nature of Things, Rick Mercer, and This Hour… I never watch any of its scripted television. I don’t mind my tax money going towards it. It’s better than any of our private stations (Global, CTV, *choke* SunTV).

    Yay for them scoring Russell Crowe. The phone-throwing incident was in NYC BTW. Toronto’s clearly his zen place.

    or Toronto has less papparrazzi

  4. January 6, 2012 3:05 pm

    I’m so tired of remakes. If the first one was good, it doesn’t need to be remade. If the first one was wasn’t good, same thing.

    I know!

  5. Riot Kitty permalink
    January 7, 2012 1:32 am

    I am sick of Hollywood remaking movies from the 80s. Especially the ones that sucked in the first place.

    The world doesn’t need a new Robocopy, it needs a real Robocop.

  6. January 7, 2012 9:43 am

    HAHAHA. this post was hilarious. And anything to pull me out of my LSAT slump is welcomed.

    I kind of like the CBC. they always have some good talk shows. They actually had dan ackroyd and his dad on last year – who are both paranormal enthusiasts. it was quite exciting to listen to the two of them. And then right after that was Catherine O’Hara (the “mom” Delia from beetlejuice).

    I was thoroughly entertained by that 1.5 hour drive.

    I’m well aware who Catherine O’Hara is.

  7. January 7, 2012 9:34 pm

    I enjoy some of the shows on CBC radio, but CBC TV leaves something to be desired. I find that their educational shows often seem to be directed to a very young or ignorant audience. I recall watching the beginning of one of their documentaries about oil. It started out with something like “Oil is black stuff that comes out of the ground and we use it to make cars go.” I was immediately bored out of my skull and changed the channel. I want my smart TV to be smarter than that.

    I’ve seen some news magazines where the reporters were simply being beligerant to the people they were interviewing. The reporter asked a question, the person answered in a polite manner and the reporter seemed to dislike the answer so the reporter started getting pissy. And it was a pretty fluff topic. That’s more than just unsmart, it’s rude.

  8. January 9, 2012 11:32 pm

    Total Recall is being remade? Sheesh. I wish Hollywood would just leave well enough alone sometimes, this re-imagining crap has just gotten too far out of hand.

    this has been going on forever, it’s just that now we can watch the old movies more readily

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