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Love, Television Style

January 19, 2012

There are these television shows now that pit a dozen or so men against each other in a competition to win the heart of one woman. And there are these other shows that pit a dozen or so women against each other to win the heart of one man.

Are these shows new or am I just really late to the party?

This crap is awful! Makes me long for the days of Love Connection and Studs. Or that Mad TV sketch of MTV’s Singled Out. “PORCU-PINE!”

The premise of these shows is pretty simple. You take this chick, right. For some reason, she can’t find true love. The remedy for her loveless existence. Go on television. Date twelve different guys in twelve days. Pick one of those twelve guys to be her one true love.

Let’s cut to the chase. Turn these shows into straight up porn. Call it Bachelorette: Gang Bang. Take this one chick, have her get nailed by twelve guys. Don’t even let them talk to each other, only grunt and let out the occasional “Oh, you like that, don’t ya bitch.” At the end, she picks the guy who was the best lay.

But if that’s two risque. How about a more old-school approach? Bachelorette: the Dark Ages. One guy, his parents and twelve sets of other parents. Each group of a parents presents a dowry to the guy’s parents. The best dowry wins. In this case, the guy never even meets the winning gal until after she’s won.

Or maybe we can mix a couple of different shows into one. Bachelor: Survivor. One guy, twelve girls, on a deserted tropical island. The guy has a boat. The girl he picks gets to leave the island with him. The other eleven girls, stuck there until some Somali pirates with satellite TV track down where this island is located and “rescues” them.

This was the worst post I’ve ever written. I wonder how many responses I’m going to get calling me a misogynistic pig.

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. January 19, 2012 8:22 am

    First: You’re very, very late to the party. These shows go back several years. But that’s okay, I don’t watch them either.

    Second, I like some of your ideas. The porn one especially; who cares if it’s risque? Put it on HBO or something.

    Or, how about an American Gladiators style competition, to have physical feats eliminate the contestants? Guy/gal with the best performance gets the lay. Or even a UFC-style show-down so the toughest guy/gal wins.

    Hm. This has more potential than I initially credited to it. Good ideas again, WIGSF!

    I like that American Gladiators idea.
    “Okay Becky, you’ve just won the Tournament of Gladiators. You can now have your choice of which gladiator you’d like to be impregnated by. Will it by Blocko, Tower or Rock?”

  2. January 19, 2012 11:14 am

    These have been around for a while. There was one that featured a “celebrity” trying to find her perfect guy. Shortly after the series ended she decided she was gay! Ah well. Should have had a follow up trying to find her a girlfriend!

    make a quick buck then come out, that’s low

  3. January 19, 2012 8:47 pm

    Those shows are awful! I would rather watch “the 5th wheel” again!

    amen sister

  4. January 23, 2012 3:06 am

    I think the last dating show I saw was The Dating Game, when I was 12 or so.

    I guess I’m glad I didn’t even get an invite to this party!

    You never watched Studs?

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