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My Medical History (This gets kinda gross)

January 24, 2012

A couple of years ago, I woke up to find myself deaf in one ear. Not a pleasant experience. It basically felt like my ear was corked shut.

Knowing that the men in my family have issues with ear wax buildup, I decided to consult those men.

“Go the doctor, he’ll clean you out,” they both said.

So, holding the phone up to my good ear, I called the doctor and made an appointment.

At the doctor’s office, a Chinese man getting up in years, he used that ear flash light on a stick dealee and peeked into my ear.

“You know, in Chinese, we don’t call it ear wax, we call it ear shit.”

The doctor took this giant stainless steel syringe with a wide opening and filled it with water. He then handed me a plastic bucket and told me to hold it beneath the ear. “Hold the bucket there, yeah, right there. Now I’m gonna flush your ear.”

He then stuck the syringe into my ear and started forcing water into the clog. At first, I felt a bit of water in my ear. Then he did it again. I felt more water in my ear. He did it again. I felt water tickle the back of my eye. He did it again, I felt more water tickle the back of my eye.

“All done.”

I took a look at the water that had pooled in the bucket after leaving my ear. It looked like a toilet bowl that some person had forgot to flush. Not after taking a leak, but after taking a really wet, stanky, asses-a-poppin’ shit. The doctor showed me the tip of the syringe. There was this turd on the tip. Whatever it was in my ear looked more like poop than it did like ear wax.

“Once a week, put a drop of olive oil in your ear. That should keep it clean.”

For the next few days, I heard everything. I mean everything. I could hear water running through the pipes behind the walls. I could hear people talking from the other end of the room.

Well, the olive oil could only do so much. My ear is again feeling a bit clogged and my hearing is bit muffled again. I may soon have to visit the doctor again for another flushing.

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9 Comments leave one →
  1. January 24, 2012 8:20 am

    Don’t forget to flush.

    Don’t feel bad, at least the doctor could help you. But I’ve never heard of the olive oil treatment. That could be a little nasty in itself, I’d think.

    Hope it’s not too bad this time.

    Olive oil isn’t nasty. I’m Italian. It courses through my veins.

  2. January 24, 2012 8:38 am

    So basically what you’re telling us is that your ears are constipated.

    yup

  3. Bob permalink
    January 24, 2012 9:52 am

    I might need to do the same except my doctor said he couldn’t do anything when I went to see him about this issue a couple of years ago.

    Two years ago!!! Get a new doctor.

  4. Riot Kitty permalink
    January 24, 2012 11:29 am

    Ear shit? That’s pretty apt. Good luck. My brother had to have this done a few years ago. He said there was an entire bucket, and I didn’t believe him, because he was 10 at the time. Maybe I should believe him and go yak.

    apt

  5. January 24, 2012 1:54 pm

    It’s hard to imagine another orfice actually shitting, but to each their own vernacular.

    Haven’t you seen that episode of South Park where Cartman bets Kyle that if he stuffs food up his butt, he’ll shit out of his mouth? Hilarious episode. Cartman stuffs food up his butt. Then all the kids stand around Cartman in the bathroom as he kneels in front of the toilet. Eventually he, for lack of a better term, vomits up a turd. The kids all stand there completely dumbfounded. Words gets around that this is actually healthier than eating food so everybody in town starts sitting on food and throwing up in buckets.

  6. January 24, 2012 7:51 pm

    you are one damn fine sexy man!

    oh, you know you want a piece of this

  7. January 25, 2012 6:29 pm

    Ummm, I may have experience the same thing and know EXACTLY what you mean about being able to hear everything afterwards.

    kinda scary, isn’t it?

  8. January 26, 2012 3:29 am

    I think I remember you talking about this before. Thank you for not posting pics of this. I was looking up some information on ear wax buildup for my son and came across some pictures that people had taken of the stuff that came out of their ears.

    Not. Pretty.

    Anyway, I hope you feel/hear better soon!

    Olive oil in your kid’s ears, NOW!
    They’ll thank me when they’re not deaf.

  9. January 26, 2012 4:08 pm

    This happened to my daughter because she used Q-Tips to basically pack her ear wax in tighter. About once a week I get a bobby pin and go mining in my ears. Yeah, yeah, NEVER stick anything in your ears. Whatever. I’ve been doing it for at least 30 years and I haven’t punctured my ear drum yet.

    I’m too clumsy to mine for gold.

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