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It is illegal to put squirrels down your pants for the purpose of gambling

March 1, 2012

A couple nights ago, I was at one of those restaurants where the tables have brown craft paper as table clothes. I like going to those restaurants. Generally the food is pretty good and reasonably priced. Also, I get to draw and colour on the tables.

For whatever reason, I was determined to draw a squirrel.

Then it hit me. What does a squirrel look like?

Okay, there’s the tail. Big bushy tail. Like a giant swoosh of fur equal to the size of the rest of the squirrel. It’s legs. It’s hind legs. Not that long, but with large thighs. Wide thighs. It’s arms or front legs. Tiny. Almost biped dinosaur like. Almost done. Now for the head.

Shit! How do I draw a squirrel’s head? What’s it’s nose look like? What about the ears? Think man think! When was the last time you saw a close-up of a squirrel?

Much ado about nutting!

Okay, that’s a cartoon squirrel.

Remember that cartoon. Classic Looney Tunes bit. No recurring characters. No dialogue. Just a squirrel determined to eat nuts. A city squirrel runs from the park into a nearby fruit market. It dives head first into a display of peanuts. It swims in the peanuts like Scrooge McDuck in his money pit. As it surfaces, it sees walnuts. Walnuts are bigger than peanuts. It goes for the walnuts. Once in the walnuts, it eyes the brazil nuts. Those are even bigger nuts. But it doesn’t stop there. Before taking a bite of a brazil nut, it sees the biggest nut ever, the coconut. The squirrel steals a coconut and takes it back to the park. However, the squirrel has a hard time cracking open the coconut’s shell. It spends the rest of the cartoon trying to crack the shell. Drops the coconut from a tree, drops the coconut from a tall building, pounds the coconut with heavy duty construction tools. All to no avail.

Dammit! For the life of me, I can only picture the squirrel’s eyes. Those big eyes with so much emotion. Happiness, sadness, anger, frustration. I just need the remember the ears but I can’t.

Eventually, I gave up and just drew chipmunk ears. Like Chip and Dale chipmunk pointy ears, not the more anthropomorphic almost human Alvin and the Chipmunks rounded ears.

I don’t like the new Alvin and the Chipmunks style. I don’t like how they’re designed visually. I don’t like the whole hip-hop style they’ve got now. I much prefer the 1980s cartoon series style. They didn’t use auto-tuner in 1980s. The chipmunks had to sing in tune back then. And they sang a better variety of songs. From “Bad to the Bone” to “Working 9 to 5,” the Chipmunks covered a wide-range of quality crafted tunes. The stuff the Chipmunks are failing to sing in the new movies, I’m not recognizing half the stuff in the commercials. What is this crap? Justin Beaver or something?

6 Comments leave one →
  1. March 1, 2012 11:11 am

    I almost posted a how-to on drawing many woodland creatures with a few simple shapes. Then I remembered I’m at work and my job doesn’t entail drawing small woodland creatures…unfortunately.

    It’s called the Lombardo method. I use it. Unfortunately, if you don’t remember what shape a squirrel’s ears are, you’re stuck.

  2. Riot Kitty permalink
    March 1, 2012 8:47 pm

    I can’t draw, but I always ask for crayons and paper kiddie menus when they are available.

    It takes quite a bit of skill to draw with crayons. They’re a very crude instrument.

  3. March 1, 2012 11:33 pm

    I love the title of this post.

    that’s the funniest squirrel reference on the Simpsons I could think of

  4. March 2, 2012 1:28 am

    I hate squirrels! LOL Did you look up a picture of one when you got home so you could see how the ears looked? You might have been able to look it up on your smartphone too while you were waiting for your food.

    My kids have been listening to some Chipmunk video recently. Over and over and over and over. *sigh* At least it’s a decent song! I just hate the Chipmunky voices!

    What good would it do to look up a picture of a squirrel when I got home? The picture was drawn, probably wrong, but learning that I’m wrong does me no good after the fact.

  5. March 2, 2012 10:37 am

    I could only think of the Griswolds when reading this.

    The BLESS-ING!

  6. March 2, 2012 6:20 pm

    Squirrels should only be drawn with tire tracks on their backs!

    No way. Squirrels are cute.

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