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The Birds and the Bees and the Cats according to Carmine

March 14, 2012

The following are excerpts from a conversation Carmine had with a woman yesterday.

You know a cat can have a babies tree times a year. And the babies, if dey grow up, dey have a babies with each other. In one a year, you canna have one cat have a babies and next year, you canna have sixteen babies. Da babies have a babies with da babies.

I canno bring myself to have my cat fix. I want my cat to have fun. Sex is more fun if you have a babies.

All da rest of the babies, I bring dem to a farm. If I get attached to the babies, I’m gonna keep ’em. Den pretty soon, I have lots more babies.

I useta have a boy cat. He took a leak on da couch. Canno get ridda da the smell. Throw da couch away. Thassa why I my cat a girl now. No smell, he juss have lotsa babies.

You got a mouse? Here’s whatta you do. Get a cat. No feed da cat. In two a days, he gonna find the mouse an’ eat ‘im. Den get rid a da cat.

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. March 14, 2012 9:00 am

    Not a cat person myself, for many of these reasons. Interesting to see them from a Carmine perspective, though.

    While Carmine is a cat person.

  2. March 14, 2012 9:37 am

    Did he fix the male cat? Because I think fixing it helps stop it from spraying.

    Eventually

  3. March 14, 2012 4:06 pm

    Now that’s wisdom of the ages.

    Yes, words to live by.

  4. Riot Kitty permalink
    March 14, 2012 9:15 pm

    OMG I am going to piss my pants laughing.

    Go find a litter box, or a potted plant.

  5. March 15, 2012 1:11 am

    Tree times a year? Hey, Carmine was born in Chicago, wasn’t he?

    He’s not a Chicagoan, he’s a Ciociarian.

  6. March 15, 2012 7:09 am

    Carmine needs a pod cast. It would make my daily commute bearable…

    It would be too shocking and funny. Your daily commute would end with a hysterical daisyfae driving head on into a light standard

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