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Carmine Enters the 21st Century

March 23, 2012

Carmine, in all his infinite wisdom, has decided he needs (in other words, wants) a laptop.

“I want to put songs on the laptop so I can put them on my iPod.”

That’s a legitimate reason, I guess. Is there anything else you’d like this laptop to do?

“Maybe watch a DVD. Can laptops do that?”

Yeah, sure, why not. It’ll run you around five hundred bucks.

“Here’s some money. Go buy me laptop.”

I went to Best Buy. Took a peek at the laptops. Found a Toshiba something-or-other for 399 plus tax. I took a gander at it.

In my younger years, I paid much closer attention to what was the in-thing with computers, especially if the computer is for my use. In this case, the computer is for Carmine. The computer will be lost, broken or used as a paper weight within six months, so my research on this machine became a simple checklist.

Does it have a DVD drive? Check.

Any laptop these days will have enough power to run iTunes and a web browser. And that’s more than Carmine really needs. He’s not the sort of guy who’ll get lost in a game of World of Warcraft.

Yeah, I know. We’re all imagining Carmine playing World of Warcraft right now. Dammit. That would be funny. Pretty well every scenario ends with Carmine handing me the laptop and saying “Show me how to have sex in the game.” Immediately followed by me throwing the computer out the window, onto the street, then running it over with my car a dozen times or so.

Last night I bought this laptop for Carmine. I set it up with internet access. (Why did I do that?) I installed iTunes on the thing.

I’ve never used Windows 7 before. I spent a couple of minutes trying to make it look as much like older versions of Windows. Less confusion for Carmine later. Oh hell. Less confusion for me. All of my computers have XP but I use the classic appearance style. Make it look as much like Windows NT as possible.

And I changed the desktop picture to a Versace logo. This way Carmine knows it’s his computer. Or Versace’s computer.

At the end of the night, I taught Carmine how to rip mp3s onto the computer. But first, he had to turn on the computer and type in a password.

“Whass my password?”

What do you think?

“C… A… R… M… I… N E. Now enter, right? Where’s enter?”

That one.

“Okay. Why did you make that my password?”

Would you remember any other password.


Okay, double click on iTunes… Press the button twice really fast. This is iTunes. It’s an iPod on your hard drive. Now, see that button on the side. Press that to open the disk. Now put your CD in and push it closed.

“Do you want import songs… What’s import do?”

It means to copy the songs onto the hard drive. It takes about five ten minutes.

“Thassit? How many songs can it hold?”

More songs than you’ll ever want to listen to.

“Okay, tomorrow you show me how to put in my iPod.”

Sure sure… Good luck finding me.

6 Comments leave one →
  1. March 23, 2012 9:52 am

    Want to hide at our place? Or we could go somewhere else?

    ideas percolating…

  2. March 23, 2012 2:16 pm

    Ha! Hysterical. I love Carmine. I can’t wait to see how this turns out.

    then you deal with him instead of me

  3. March 23, 2012 6:31 pm

    This sounds a lot like dealing with my mom and her computer.

    “I can’t email anyone. They took my email away.”
    “They closed your account? What did you email?”
    “I don’t think they closed it, but it’s not on the top of my computer anymore.”
    “Do you mean the icon in your toolbar?”
    “I’ll be over in a minute.”

    “Exchange the computer for a salad spinner.”

  4. March 23, 2012 7:49 pm

    Carmine’s too funny. From my understanding, he’s had numerous iPods and iPhones before, right? How did he put on his music before?

    “‘ere, put music on my ipod!”

    Also, just curious, what kind of music does Carmine listen to?

    classic rock, Italian pop and the occasional queer party anthem.

  5. March 24, 2012 2:29 am

    LOL This is going to be good!

    Careful with that iPod thing though – once you sync it with one computer, you can’t sync it with another unless you erase all your data on it. But, you probably knew that already.

    This will not be good.

  6. Riot Kitty permalink
    March 24, 2012 3:16 am

    That is freaking hilarious! Are there video games you can have sex in?

    Hello! Leisure Suit Larry!

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