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You’re Envious of my Disgusting Lunch

March 28, 2012

Monday afternoon I learned that I would be spending all of Tuesday working in London*. And probably putting in some overtime. Don’t want to have to go back for a couple of hours on Wednesday. London is a two hour drive from here.

So, Monday night, on my way home from work, I stopped by the grocery store to pick up some things I could brown-bag for my lunch on Tuesday. I decided on something simple that would keep for a few hours in a Rubbermaid container. Something that would not require reheating as I would have to go without that technology. I decided on a sandwich.

Oh, but not just any sandwich. This was a super-duper disgusting sandwich. I took a bun, a standard Italian bakery style dinner roll bun, and spread one half with butter. The other half, I spread Skillet Bacon Spread. Yes, you read that right. Bacon spread. SPREADABLE BACON!!! It’s like someone took the food of the gods (sorry to my Kosher compadres, bacon is the food of the gods), mashed it into a fine paste and stuffed it in a jar. I didn’t waste my time with any of that vegetable crap. It would just in the way of the bacon. A butter ‘n bacon sammich for lunch.

It’s smoky bacon, all mashed up, in a jar. What more can a mere mortal like myself ask for from a jar? At some point, everybody has stared into an empty jar and wondered “Why can’t you be filled with bacon?” Now the jar CAN be filled with bacon! And now it IS filled with bacon! Well, not for long. I doubt this bacon spread will last very long under my watch. I have been known to gorge on certain foods from time to time.

Well, that’s it. That was my lunch. A sandwich made from something that should never have been considered food, but is probably the tastiest disgusting thing ever eaten.

— — — — —

* London Ontario, not London England. You see, in Ontario there are lots of cities named after places in Europe. Basically everything in Ontario is either named after a European city (mostly British cities) or some old Iroquois or Huron word.

7 Comments leave one →
  1. March 28, 2012 8:25 am

    Wow. I…I am suffering from Lunch Envy now. That spread — how did I get this far in life without that spread?! I MUST HAVE IT!

    I love this blog…

    This blog has become the ultimate light beer, it tastes great and is less filling.

  2. March 28, 2012 10:30 am

    What grocery store did you find this product in? I want to try it!

    it was given to me

  3. March 28, 2012 3:35 pm

    Please don’t tell my husband that this product exists. I’d like him to live to see his next birthday.

    Or so you can surprise him on his birthday… by wearing nothing but spreadable bacon… that’s kinky.

  4. March 28, 2012 4:28 pm


    whassa matter?

  5. March 28, 2012 9:37 pm

    Seriously, you don’t know where to buy this product? I have a bacon-loving friend for whom this would make a great gift!

    this was given to me as a gift, I don’t know where it was purchased

  6. March 28, 2012 9:53 pm

    spreadable bacon? oh, that’s totally going in my bedroom next to the other fluids and implements…

    “she likes makin’ bacon on the beach.”

  7. March 30, 2012 1:06 am

    Oh yum! The delicious bacony evil of it all sounds wonderful! I am so jealous!

    The only thing I would have done differently is used mayo instead of butter. And, maybe, a bit of lettuce and tomato. :)

    But butter is good, butter ranks up there along with the other foods of the gods. :)

    lettuce? tomato? mayo? what are you? some kind of commie?

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