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You Know What… (And some more Life with Carmine)

April 11, 2012

You know what grinds my gears? You know busts my tomaters? You know what sniffles my dizzles?

What the heck am I talking about? Oh yeah…

These damned word verification things on the internet. The word verification things are getting more and more complicated. I can’t make them out at all anymore.

There’s blogs out there that I would like to comment on but I can’t because the word verification thing keeps booting me.

Yesterday I was going to leave a comment on some blog with a really funny joke. Something about vegan strip clubs really being lesbian strip clubs, no meat allowed. I couldn’t do it. Tried the sound thing, didn’t work.

It’s like the internet is trying to slowly kick me off.

You know what else is pissing me off? Apple. Apple is pissing me off.

Carmine’s got a lot of Apple products now. Apparently his wallet is allergic to cash or something. He’s got his two iPhones, his iPod and his iPad. Not to mention his new Toshiba laptop and his two Sony Walkman mp3 players.

If he was computer literate (or literate in anything for that matter, I swear sometimes I think he pretends to be illiterate just so he doesn’t have to do anything for himself,) I wouldn’t care. I wouldn’t care because I wouldn’t have to be involved in any of it. But I am involved.

But here’s how Apple is annoying me. iPods, phones, pads, blah blah blah, have this wonderful multi-functionality to store music files and video files and pictures and blah blah blah. And all the transferring from computer to portable device and back is done through this wonderful program called iTunes. With transferring music files, it’s kind of easy. It use to be easier on previous versions but you know, Apple has decided to make things more complicated. But for transferring pictures, it’s a completely different process. Does it need to be a different process? No.

So… Fuck you Apple and fuck the iHorse you rode in on.

In other Carmine news, he’s been going through my CD collection to rip songs he likes so that he can put them on his computer and then his various iWasteOfMoneys. He’s been going through my collection alphabetically. Makes sense. It’s stored alphabetically.


“Carmine, you just spoke something that wasn’t words.”


“Oh come on, you’re not trying.”

Carmine then showed me a CD. “What’s this? Do I like this?”

“That’s Alice in Chains. No. You don’t like it.”

Seeing as how I’ve got hundreds of CDs and doing such a conversation like that for every damned one would result in my stabbing Carmine with a butter knife, we worked out a system of him holding up a CD that he doesn’t recognize and me telling him whether or not he likes it.

“What’s that Bryan Adams song? The one in the Richard Gere movie. Woman red or woman in red or something?”

“Is the song called Woman in red? I don’t know a song like that. I know Lady in Red by Chris DeBurgh and a movie called Lady in Red starring Gene Wilder. Neither has anything to do with Bryan Adams or Richard Gere.”

The conversation was rather cyclical for about three or four minutes until it was determined that he was, in fact, looking for the Bryan Adams song Everything I Do I Do For You from Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves starring Kevin Costner and he somehow confused that movie with Pretty Woman starring Richard Gere. Other than the fact that both Richard Gere and Kevin Costner are proof that it doesn’t require acting talent to star in Hollywood movies, I fail to recognize any similarities between those two films. How Carmine could mix them up is beyond me.

But lets’ analyze the two films right now. See if we can see how Carmine mixed them up.

Robin Hood is about a medieval Englishman rebelling against a corrupt prince. Pretty Woman is about a contemporary American who falls in love with a hooker.

Kevin Costner is not at all believeable as a Englishman. (Cary Elwes put it best in Men in Tights “Unlike some other Robin Hoods, I can speak with an English accent.”) Richard Gere is surprisingly capable of playing a man who can’t get laid unless he pays for it. Ladies, would you fuck Richard Gere for free?

Robin Hood takes place in medieval England. The set buildings are all stone or wood. Rooms are lit with torches. The costumes are all fancy medieval armours and green tights and such. Pretty Woman takes place in modern day America. The set buildings are all brick and drywall. Light bulbs can be seen in the film. Some are neon. The costumes are all suits and ties and dresses and hooker bitch boots.

Oh yeah. I can see how Carmine mixed up those two movies.

6 Comments leave one →
  1. April 11, 2012 10:34 am

    Carmine and my mom share similar symptoms. And they seem to deliberately and selectively be “forgetful” or “confused” about things. It’s especially true when effort would be required — like, you know, learning about a device you paid for or reading an instruction manual.

  2. April 11, 2012 3:30 pm

    WIGSF! This is so simple I can’t believe you didn’t see it!

    How could he mix up those 2 movies? Easy! Look at the picture of Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio on IMDB:

    Now look at a picture of Julia Roberts: (although the one from the cover of Notting Hill is better for this)

    They could be sisters if not twins. That’s why he confuses them, because of the staring females. He doesn’t notice anything but the women, lol.

    Ohh, I see it now. Robin Hood rides a horse. Julia Roberts is a horse.

  3. April 11, 2012 7:03 pm

    Those word verification thingys have been getting more difficult to decipher! WTF is up with that!!!

    I guess the robots are getting smarter. Where’s Sarah Connor when we need her?

  4. April 11, 2012 7:44 pm

    Oh, Carmine!

  5. Riot Kitty permalink
    April 12, 2012 1:22 am

    I love Alice in Chains. Hate fucking word verifications. I am surprised you had no thoughts on the vegan strip club.

    vegan strip clubs = lesbian strip clubs

  6. April 12, 2012 6:40 pm

    I refuse to buy any sort of iproduct. They are nothing but social status and money grubbing.

    explains Carmine’s fascination with ’em

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