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Who’s Emily?

April 29, 2012

I was cleaning my closet, getting rid of all kinds of junk. I came across a box of random papers ranging from both high school and college. To highlight how messed up this box of junk papers was, let me say that there were two whole years in between my final class of high school and my first class in college. Oh, and I moved once sometime around then.

As I perused this box for any reason not to just chuck it in a dumpster, I came across a birthday card given to me. The card was signed “Emily.”

Who is Emily?

Was there anybody in high school named Emily that would have made the effort to give me a birthday card? No. Was there anybody in high school willing to give me a birthday card? I don’t think so. I don’t think I received a single birthday card from any of my classmates during my five years in high school.

How about college? Was there an Emily in college? I studied computer programming in college. Was there an Emily? No. There weren’t many women, period. I don’t know what the industry is like today, but when I went to college, computer studies and the like was a largely male dominated field of study. I think the ratio of men to women was somewhere around 10 to 1 or maybe 11 or 12 to 1.

But the mystery of Emily was bothering me. So I called up my buddy Bob. He’s been with me the longest, if he doesn’t remember her, nobody else will.

Also, Bob was moving that day, so bothering him would give me a chuckle. (I think it gave Bobette a chuckle too because the entire time I was on the phone with Bob, I could hear Bobette laughing in the background over the stupid conversation I will repeat here.)

“Hey Bob. Who’s Emily?”


“I found a birthday card to me from Emily. Any ideas?”

“High school? College?”

“Nope, already ruled those out. Do you remember the names of anybody who worked with us at the video store?”

“Uh, Sarah… Wait… What was Clydesdale’s first name?”


So, there you have it. Mystery solved. Some chick I worked with ten years ago gave me a birthday card and for whatever reason, I didn’t trash it immediately upon receiving it.

Well, it’s going in the dumpster now.


For whatever reason, I didn’t bother to come up with a pseudonym for Emily in this post. I used her real name. Not sure if that’s a jerk move on my part. Don’t really care. Should she ever google her name and come across this on page 37 of the google results, it may give her a cheap laugh. Or maybe, she’ll think “Who the hell did I give a birthday card to while working at a video store?”

9 Comments leave one →
  1. April 29, 2012 9:13 am

    Glad you figured out the mystery. I say if she comes across this post and is pissed off that you used her name, you should take her out for a very nice dinner… ‘cuz it’s really unlikely that would ever happen.

    She should take me out for dinner. I held onto that damned birthday card for who knows how long.

  2. April 29, 2012 11:44 am

    Ha! That Bob — what a memory! Ten years later and he can still remember their names? I’m impressed!

    he remembers the oddest things

  3. April 29, 2012 12:13 pm

    “I perused this box for any reason not to just chuck it in a dumpster…”

    a few moments of amusement is a good reason to delay the chucking, but chuck you must. i need to do a lot more chucking.

    chucked it was

  4. April 29, 2012 2:19 pm

    Maybe I should take up computer programming….the odds are in my favour LOL!

    it’s a great way to meet a guy, well, a nerdy guy

  5. Bob permalink
    April 29, 2012 6:02 pm

    No worries, it was no bother that you called. We were relaxing at the time.

    relaxing, or naked relaxing?

    You know what, don’t answer that. I’d like to keep my lunch down.

    • April 30, 2012 11:58 am

      My parents were over. I told you that over the phone. We were just RELAXING.

      Also forget my memory, WIGSF is the one brought up the video store first. He was close to getting it without me.

  6. April 29, 2012 11:56 pm

    Thank goodness for Bob and his great memory! Otherwise you’d have driven yourself crazy trying to remember. He deserves a nice housewarming gift for that.

    I feel sorry for Emily. Clydesdale? That can’t be good.

    It’s better than Mustang. Just think of the ‘tang jokes I’d have bombarded her with.

  7. Riot Kitty permalink
    April 30, 2012 12:12 am

    At my first newspaper job, the editors all called us by our last names. One day I asked why. My boss said, “I don’t know…because that’s what they do in the movies?” True story.

  8. April 30, 2012 5:47 am

    I have things like that of Facebook – a name pops up and I am “Who the %^$& is that?

    That was me buddy. Gee, thanks for denying my friend request. Wanker.

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