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Hellympics

August 1, 2012

The current medal giving out thing going on in London right now is horse shit. Screw it. Screw it all to Hell.
He are my propositions to make it less stupid.
1) Award all horse-related event medals to the horses, not the riders.
2) The event with the most participants doesn’t even award any medals. That has to change. Let’s call it Synchronized Orgasm. I wonder if Usain Bolt really is the world’s fastest man.
3) All participants have to compete in a minimum number of competitions to qualify. No more rowing races featuring some guy who never paddled a boat until three months ago.
4) Drain all water from the diving pool before events. Now let’s see a graceful splash down.
5) Bring back the Tug-of-War.
6) Introduce an eating competition. The food has to be a local traditional delicacy of the host nation.
7) All losers must remain at the event to clean up.
8) Incorporate the Miss Universe Beauty Pageant into the events. Doesn’t the world’s most beautiful woman deserve a medal. The talent portion could be an actual athletic talent. The swimsuit competition could have actual swimming.

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7 Comments leave one →
  1. August 1, 2012 1:23 pm

    How about Mr. Universe? Or Mr. Best Buns. I saw a few contenders in the gymnastics competition.

    —–

    Yes. Bodybuilding competition.

  2. Riot Kitty permalink
    August 1, 2012 10:37 pm

    Thank you, I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks this is one big snooze fest.

  3. August 3, 2012 1:26 am

    Ooh, an eating competition? Now there’s a sport! Actually, it should be something like “there’s only one drumstick left, everybody dive for it, winner gets the drumstick AND the gold!”

    Could be fun.

  4. August 3, 2012 6:56 am

    if i watched, it would just make me feel fatter and laziery. screw that. i’ll watch “Hoarders” and feel good about my closets…

  5. August 5, 2012 1:13 am

    I haven’t been watching it, but I think your ideas are great, especially the losers cleaning up, draining water from the diving pool and the horses getting medals.

  6. August 5, 2012 5:27 pm

    I don’t watch the Olympics! I think i’m the only person in the world that doesn’t care!

  7. August 5, 2012 10:29 pm

    I like propositions #1 and #5. Also, there used be an obstacle course. Bring that back too!

    ——

    Yes!!! Totally needs an obstacle course.

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