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Holiday Horrors

December 13, 2012

I’m not going to write about that early episode of Tales From The Crypt entitled All Through the House. That’s a holiday horror of fiction. A story about a woman who kills her husband on Christmas Eve while her child awaits a visit from Santa Claus. Meanwhile, a deranged psychotic killer is running around town in a Santa Claus costume. Well, you know what’s going to happen there, right? The psycho in the costume shows up at the house, the little girl thinks he’s Santa Claus and the murderous mother has to dispose of her dead husband and protect her daughter and herself from the insane Santa Claus. Damn that was good television. But I don’t really want to talk to much about that today.

What I would like to talk about are the holiday horrors, the real holiday horrors. The things about Christmas and the whole season that scare the crap out of me. The sort of horror that enstills in me a belief that I’m living in the decline of human civilization. Not a decline in a certain, specific civilization made up of some humanity. Not the decline of the Roman Empire. That was really only a decline for the civilization that existed in Italy and Britain and various other parts of western Europe. Other parts of the world, other civilizations continued to advance. The bias of western history teachings tries to tell us that there was a decline of civilization. Those teachings are inaccurate. China, the Middle East, India, some Germanic tribes; these civilizations continued to foster advancement. But now is different. Humanity is in decline.

We have become a species that not just created an immense horror, but fostered it’s growth and it’s continued ability to exist. The Mongols were an immense horror, but their existence wasn’t fostered. They were feared. When the Mongol hordes swept across the Steppes and conquered and destroyed whole nations of people, they weren’t invited. Nobody said to Genghis Khan “Hey, come here. Kill our men, Rape our women. Take our children into slavery.” The poor souls facing Mongol attack either stood their ground and were killed or ran away and were later killed while running away. Nobody liked the Mongols but for a few generations in the thirteenth century, everybody feared them and everybody tried to think of ways to stop them. Nobody welcomed them. Now, it’s the twenty-first century. It’s the new millenium. And we have a horror disguising itself as holiday cheer. To their credit, the Mongols never wore a disguise. They showed up at your door, told you to surrender or die and made sure one of those two things happened. You surrendered or you died. Whole cultures were laid to waste by the Mongols. And again to the Mongols credit, they didn’t waste their time. “I kill you. I kill your tribe. I do it by noon. I have two more tribes to kill today.”

And this brings us to the current horror sweeping the world. The horror dressed up in holiday cheer. The slow moving asteroid that will one day slaughter all human life. A global killer that will lay waste to all but maybe the cockroaches. Worse than all of the atomic bombs detonating at once. At least that would be a quick death.

The horror of which I speak was not only allowed to be created, but it was allowed to foster and grow.

Of course, the horror of which I speak is the Jingle Cats.

The Jingle Cats must be erased from existence, their history deleted, their followers, consumers, they must be stopped. No matter the cost.

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7 Comments leave one →
  1. Bob permalink
    December 13, 2012 10:09 am

    I have no idea what you are talking about.

  2. December 13, 2012 10:28 am

    You have fallen for their evil plan!

    You see, before I read this post I was not aware of them – by issuing this warning you have caused me to search for them and invite them into my life.

    It is like Invasion of the Body Snatchers…

  3. December 13, 2012 10:59 am

    I fear Rock Chef has revealed the nefarious treachery of the Jingle Cats; simply by mentioning them, you invite the uninitiated to their ranks. Oh, the horror! Too bad we can’t ask the Mongols to do away with them.

  4. Riot Kitty permalink
    December 13, 2012 10:41 pm

    What are the Jingle Cats?

  5. December 14, 2012 2:49 am

    I have never heard of the Jingle Cats. Yes, me, who gets LOLcats posts in her Reader, has never heard of the Jingle Cats.

    Verily shall I resist the foul temptation you have foisted upon me to search for them! Felines should never jingle. Yea though I walk through the valley of the jingle, I shall never bell the cat!

    Oh, and Merry Christmas!

  6. December 15, 2012 9:42 pm

    How have so many people not heard of the Jingle Cats? Christmas isn’t annoying and complete without them! My mind is boggled.

  7. December 15, 2012 10:52 pm

    I’m glad i’m not the only one who does not know what the Jingle Cats are….I’m off to google them which I’ll most likely regret!

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