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Panda Babies

March 9, 2016

Canada has been renting two panda bears from China. The bears are currently in the Toronto Zoo but will at some point be moving to another zoo in western Canada.

Since when can you rent animals? Is there a company out there somewhere? Is that what Blockbuster is up to these days? This week’s new releases include: two panda bears, a donkey and a poodle.

These rented pandas have mated and bred while in the Toronto Zoo. Finally, somebody getting some action.

In the case of rented animals breeding, who keeps the babies: Blockbuster China or the Toronto Zoo? Not that I really care, I’m just curious.

I’ve visited the zoo since the rented pandas arrival. The female stayed inside and slept while the male laid down on a rock and scratched it’s ass. I don’t expect a full-on Lindy Hop routine (ten points to anybody who got that) but ass-scratching doesn’t seem like the millions and millions of bucks the gubment forked over to rent the pandas was well worth it. For that kind of money, the zoo better get to keep the babies. If China wants something, give them those Trailer Park Boys, let them get their Swearnet off the ground over there. See how well that goes.

Frankly, the Toronto Zoo really needs something to grab the people. Last time I went, I saw the racoon enclosure. Basically, there’s a big hole in the ground. At the bottom, a racoon was running around. Atop the hole is a sign that reads “North American Racoon.” I’m pretty sure that racoon was the same one I saw rummaging through my garbage the night before. I’m not going to the zoo to see animals I can see in my backyard. What’s next? A squirrel, an earthworm, my cat! Oh my God. That’s Abraham, the Jewish cat! What’s he doing here?!?!?!

At the zoo, I want to see exotic animals doing something. The giraffes were nice. They were walking around, showing off how tall they are. Can’t really see giraffes anywhere else; well, except maybe the grand opening of a new Toys R Us.

Right now, even with the pandas, the Toronto Zoo is still in the red. These babies have to be used to turn around the financial future of the zoo. I suggest the zoo produce a cartoon show featuring two panda cubs who delight zoo patrons by day but fight crime at night. Think Kung Fu Panda meets Captain Planet. That Madagascar hissing cockroach would make a great supervillian.

Oh, you know I’m on to something.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. March 9, 2016 11:18 am

    Your cartoon could be produced as a Netflix original series, if it included enough sex and foul language.

  2. March 9, 2016 11:09 pm

    You know, a hissing cockroach WOULD make a great supervillian! A tie-in somehow with Kung Fu Panda would be awesome.

    I loved Kung Fu Panda, by the way.

  3. March 10, 2016 3:49 pm

    You got more action out of the pandas than I did. When I visited them, they were BOTH sleeping.

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