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American Beer

May 2, 2016

Saturday night I went to the new Ripley’s Aquarium in downtown Toronto. It was neat. Lots of funny and weird looking underwater creatures. Lots of information too. I learned a lot. Not sure how much I retained. I don’t remember the name of that pen feather looking thing that is actually a colony of upwards of 40,000 tiny polyps living together and it just so happens to always take the shape of big pen feather looking thing.

I saw sharks and manta rays and crabs and other fishy things. There was this big green turtle. I didn’t get his name. He wasn’t wearing a head band with eye holes. Nor was he equipped with any Japanese weapons.

Towards the end of the path through the aquarium, it gets pretty dark inside and the habitats are all for jellyfish. It was there, in this dark corridor, I heard somebody yelling. Okay, I heard yelling the whole time. But it had always been a child yelling “Mommy look at this! Daddy look at that!” You know, typical child-like behaviour at an exhibition that caters to families. Yet, in this dark corridor, I heard the word “gonads” being yelled. Not once mind you, several times. I’d like to say I brushed it off as something not directed to me but I had to find out who was yelling “gonads.”

A woman, definitely younger than me, by how much I’m not sure. Definitely old enough to be there without parental supervision. The voice was that of an adult or at the least, a late teen. It was too dark to get a look at her face. Also, her face was quickly obscured by some guy, dressed like a teen or early twenty-something, ramming his tongue down her throat.

I turned back to look at some jellyfish. I read some plaque about jellyfish gender identification. Apparently, a certain species of jellyfish is gender-identified by the colour of it’s gonads. Mystery solved. That woman must have read the same plaque which obviously spurred on a weird onset of tourette syndrome to which her boyfriend has a fetish for because as I left the room, her face was inside his face while his hand was up the backside of her skirt. Yup, that’s the sort of behaviour I expect to see while surrounded by families with small children.

Is that what young adults do these days for dates? They go to museums and zoos and the like, find a dark room filled with kids and try to reach second base. Young people these days, sheesh. It’s like they don’t know what movie theatres are for.

And yes, I took a good long look at this young couple mating. I’m at an exhibition of animal life and gosh darnit, I paid good money. I’m gonna see something eat something smaller or something breed or expel waste from it’s bowels. For twenty-eight bucks admission, I wanna see something.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. May 2, 2016 9:32 pm

    And that’s why this post title is “American Beer.”
    Young people. SMH.

  2. May 8, 2016 3:08 pm

    That thing that looks like a big pen that lives in the sea is called a sea pen, for the record.

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