Lunch break at work today, I turned on the old iPad and tapped the Pokemon Go icon.
Holy moly! There’s a Pokemon in my office. Whoda thunk it?
I caught a Pokemon hopping up and down on my photocopier.
Well, back to work.
I installed Pokemon Go on my iPad while I was kicking around my mom’s place. Just to give it a try. See what all the hubbub is really about. Ooops. I’m Canadian. I should write ‘aboot’ instead.
“Why are you doing this? Are you going to be one of those stupid people walking into things?” my mother harped.
“Nah, just trying it out… Oh, there’s one in your front yard.”
I walked over the front of the house and peaked out the window.
“Hey ma! Come look at this!” I exclaimed.
“There’s a Pokemon in your front yard.”
“Get rid of it. I don’t want those things in my front yard.”
“Ma, will you just come look at this.”
I held up my iPad and pointed the camera out the window. In the front yard, between a couple of bushes, stood a Pokemon.
“Mom, look at this.”
“Get rid of it. I don’t like it. I don’t want those things here.”
I flicked my finger from the ball to the Pokemon. The little guy blocked the first ball. The second try was successful. I caught a Pokemon and saved my mother’s house.
I don’t think I’ll be playing the game again. Well, unless more Pokemons visit my mother’s house. I’d hate to think what a Pokemon infestation will do to the property value.
I’m not accusing the makers of Pokemon Go of doing any of this, but they could do this if they want to or simply by accident. What happens if a Pokemon Go thingee appears in a subway tunnel or on the median of a busy freeway or at the bottom of a lake? Obviously, most players won’t chase it down and “poke” it or whatever a player does when they find a Pokemon. But it’s clear that some players of this game aren’t that bright and are walking into inanimate objects and hurting themselves and getting into moronic trouble.
I guess this game could be a cleverly marketed stupidity test. Will you walk down a dimly lit subway tunnel looking for a Pokemon? If you do, you stupid. If you put your phone away, you pass the test.
What would happen if this game got into the hands of evil doers? What would happen if a similar game (Pokemon Go isn’t the first of it’s kind you know, just the most popular) was manipulated by an evil doer to make people jump off bridges and cliffs and tall buildings and such? It’s not the game’s fault. The user was given a warning similar to that on a GPS sat nav. If the user walks into an active volcano, it’s the user’s own fault.
What if something less genocidal was to happen? What if corporations sponsored the game covertly? What if a fast food restaurant chain paid Pokemon Go to populate the thingees in their restaurants? Players would go into the restaurant looking for something, notice the great deal on french fries and buy some.
I wonder what will happen on election day. Is Pokemon Go going to have people chase Pokemons into voting stations to increase voter turnout? We all know there are plenty of adults playing this game too. Pokemon Go can introduce two special election day Pokemons: Clintary and Trumpo. Players would find themselves at the voting stations, “poke” the Pokemons then vote.
Dammit! I’m very proud of that idea. I can’t believe I’m wasting it on a blog that only four people will ever read. I think that is one of my greatest ideas ever.
Or maybe Pokemon Go has already thought of this and slipped a third party candidate on the ballot who is just a puppet of the Poke-regime.
Wait a second… Didn’t South Park do this already?
Matt Stone and Trey Parker are too smart to be writing cartoons.
I had lunch at Harvey’s, the once iconic Canadian hamburger chain.
Earlier this year, Harvey’s started serving those mini cinnamon sugar donuts. Why else would be having lunch at Harvey’s?
I ordered the #1 combo, a 1/4 pound angus burger with lettuce, onion, peppers and chipotle sauce. All of those toppings went between the patty and the top of the bun. I opened the burger when I sat down and placed a single mini cinnamon sugar donut beneath the patty.
No hyperbole. That was freakin’ awesome.
The lettuce has no flavour, the peppers have little flavour, the onion gets a bit taken over by the chipotle sauce; then the cinnamon sugar comes in with a crunch at the end of the bite.
For the past week at least, it has been hot and humid here in sweaty southern Ontario. Pretty typical for a Toronto summer. It just seems to have started sooner and doesn’t look like it’s going to end any time soon.
Saturday night, I took a walk by the nearby storm water reservoir and noticed the ring of dry, cracked earth surrounding a tiny puddle. Oh, we need some rain. It has to come and water the plants. It has to break up this humidity and cool the air. It ain’t just Tom Wilson praying for the rain. C’mon big brown turtle, don’t let me down. (10 points to anybody who got that.)
This morning, as I lay in bed pretending I am physically capable of sleeping in, I heard the pitter-patter of raindrops on my house, I saw flashes of light through my blinds from the lightening and I heard crashes of thunder.
RAIN RAIN GLORIOUS RAIN!
Before I stepped outside to leave for work, I grabbed an old ballcap and put on my light-weight rain coat. “I have to go to work today and it’s raining outside,” I said to Abraham the Jewish cat as I opened my front door at 5:30 in the morning.
Like a punch in face, I was angrily greeted by a burst of hot and humid air.
It’s raining. The sun isn’t up yet. Why is it still hot and humid?
This is not right. This is not fair.
Last winter, on the only two days that were really cold, I went outside and tried to absorb as much of that cold I could, hoping my body would store it for the muggy Toronto summer. I knew I would need that cold.
Lord, God, god, Apollo or Buddha or Beelzebub or whatever. I’m not playing favourites here. I just want some relief. Sure as hell ain’t getting any relief from the gubment. [rant] Not like the gubment didn’t just start selling off the electrical power system to private concerns after granting the barely-functional-on-hot-and-humid-days wind power companies incredible contracts that guarantee payment of all power generated regardless of demand on the grid while having to pay neighbouring gubments to take excess energy generated at a lower cost facilities than the wind power farms on those days when it’s actually windy. Especially seeing as how those windy days are the days that the least amount of electricity is required on the grid. Then they tell me to conserve electricity because on these hot and humid days, we don’t have enough to go around. Not to mention pretending not to know that moving a gas power plant after construction had begun would create a cost over-run then when they got caught pretending not to know, they deleted emails, erased computer servers and blamed it all on office staffers. It’s not the like elected officials weren’t aware of any of this. Then to make matters worse, you, yes YOU FUCKING ONTARIANS voted these corrupt and/or incompetent politicians back in office, with a fucking majority so they can implement all kinds of new ass-backwards and equally corrupt and/or incompetent projects that accomplish nothing but fatten the bank accounts of the politicians and their campaign financiers. [/rant] All the gubment can do is tell me to keep cool but conserve electricity. Only use the air conditioner if absolutely necessary and keep the thermostat at 26 degrees Celsius (78 Fahrenheit). Meanwhile, outside gubment buildings, free electric car charging stations are starting to pop up. [rant2] Why the heck is the gubment giving away car fuel for one type of car propulsion system but not the others? Hey gubment, don’t fookin’ pick sides! Don’t give give one guy free electricity for his car if you’re not giving me free gasoline and my neighbour free diesel. How about giving people free bus rides? Nope. Last time I checked, it costs 3.25 there and 3.25 back for me to take a bus to that gubment building with the free electric car charging stations. Going to the library shouldn’t be this frustrating![/rant2] [rant3] Four trips to the new library so far. Have yet to find the card catalog or equivalent computer system. I should not be penalized for not memorizing the Dewey decimal system. Nor should I have to pull out my smartphone to find out if the library has anything by Tom Holland. Nor should I have to ask a librarian where the card catalog computer is located. Damn thing should be obvious. Should have signs around it. Not to mention it took me four trips to find the overnight book return slot. Heaven forbid they put it anywhere by the front door. It’s on the one side of the building that doesn’t have a sidewalk.[/rant3]
I hope somebody is enjoying this weather. I’m clearly not.
In other news, I’m focusing on reading again. Not picture books, not coffee table books, real books. Books with lots of words. It’s been a hard slog but I’m getting better at focusing on the words and sentences again. For a while, I had the hardest time reading a full page of anything. My eyes just couldn’t focus on the words. After a paragraph or two, the words would just blur together and I’d get stuck on a single word. I’m trying my best. I managed to read Bret Hart’s autobiography. I read the whole thing. I’m pretty proud of myself for that. Now I’m taking on a slightly bigger challenge, Conrad Black’s Flight of the Eagle. Got a three week loan from the library. I hope I can read most of it in that time.
I had a dream last night and it fit me like a glove…
Too obscure a reference? Gotcha.
I had a dream last night that I was grocery shopping. The supermarket was a little dimly lit. Not sure why. As I shopped, I was being bothered by a man who kept trying to talk me, kept trying to be my friend.
The man was Prime Minister Justin Trudeau.
I tried my best to avoid him and continue with my shopping but he was just so damn aggressive with his “sucking up” to me. I repeatedly tried to brush him off with polite but forceful one-word answers. It did not work.
“Leave me alone. I hate politicians, got it? Especially you and your ilk.”
“But what do you have against me?” Justin Trudeau asked as if he was oblivious to how politicians can be hated.
Amazingly, Trudeau never stammered once in all his talking to me. That’s how you know this had to be a dream.
“You, you’ve never done anything to make me proud that you’re the leader of a nation. The one time you almost did something interesting and showed leadership, you screwed it up royally and then screwed up the apology. You said ‘um’ thirteen times. I COUNTED!”
“I try my best. But what’s that got to do with all the other politicians? If the country has been mislead and governed improperly, isn’t that the fault of your father’s generation?”
“MY FATHER’S GENERATION!!!”
I stormed off and woke up. The thoughts of the pot calling the kettle black reverberated through my mind.
Never had I dreamed something that I so desperately wanted to come true. This was better than those times I dreamed I was getting laid.